You Mean You Took ASL I and You're Not An Interpreter Yet?!?!

Ain't life grand? You often said you wanted to learn American Sign Language. "It's so beautiful," you'd always exclaimed. And it is (if you know what you're doing). So, after years of watching "Signing Time" and thumbing through "The Joy of Signing" while you have a free moment on the toilet, you're finally convinced to visit your area's community college and enroll in ASL I. You leave the college beaming--exuding excitement all over the place. (If you exude at my house, I'll expect you to clean it up. I'm just saying...)

Class starts: Depending on which college's ASL class you attend, you learn ABCs, numbering, vocabulary, a few phrases, grammar, and a little about the Deaf culture and communication. You recognize that you're definitely not the best in the class,, but onward you trudge.

The teacher gives the class a mandatory assignment that you have to go to a Deaf event and sign (no talking, please) with some deafies. You do, in fact, go to one at the neighborhood mall. Your teacher introduces you to some very kind, patient and understanding Deaf people, but mostly you find solace with some of the other members of your class.

Finally, you finish! Class is over! Your teacher compliments your hard work and off you go into the world of wonders.  You're bilingual now, right? I mean, you learned a lot. And it wasn't easy! Man, you can fingerspell both your first and your last name! What else could there be? It's not like you want to interpret for the President. You just want to be able to sing songs in sign (how did you like that for alliteration) and chat with the (gulp) "hearing impaired." What more could you possibly need?

But life goes on. And although you continue to work on your fingerspelling and some signs, you seem to fall into a funk and resort back to that sinfully annoying woman on "Signing Time."

Six months after you completed ASL I, you happen to see a table of people in an elegant restaurant, signing to each other. You stare--Trying to figure out if you can understand them. Nope--Not really. You go back to eating, wishing so much you could communicate with them.

Heck with it! You get up and walk over to their table. They see you, so they stop signing and turn to you. "HI, I'M...," you get five out of the twelve letters of your name wrong, but you don't notice. The group at the table looks at each other, confused. One deaf man signs something you understand: DEAF.

"DEAF YOU?" He asks in ASL.

"NO," you sign. "I NOSY." The group breaks outs into guffaws and giggles. What you don't realize is that, though you intended to reply, "NO, I'M HEARING," your hand actually was too high and, well, maybe NOSY was the more appropriate sign anyway.

Later, an elderly woman from the deaf table's group wanders over to let you know (by way of a napkin note) to keep studying and that it will get easier eventually.

And it does get "easier." Well, maybe not. I guess I would rather say you become more proficient the longer you study it. Seriously study it. And what every knowledgeable teacher would tell you, the more time you spend signing with deaf and hard of hearing people (NOT just signing friends from school), the smoother and more fluid your words and presentation will become.

To be totally honest, I gotta tell ya, taking one ASL class, expecting to be skilled enough to engage in even moderate conversation in sign (especially with a native Deaf person), is insane. But the next time you become upset with your signing, thinking you should be learning faster, imagine that it's German you're learning. Would you be so hard on yourself then? Well, a foreign language is a foreign language. American Sign Language is just as complex as any other. Give it time.

So here's what you do: Give yourself a pat on the back for all you've already accomplished, sign up for ASL II, go to Deaf events as much as you can, and, sooner or later, you'll fulfill your wish of hangin' with the crew. Now, go study!

Five Best Ways to Learn American Sign Language

As a teacher of American Sign Language, I am often approached by family members and friends of Deaf people or by ASL students wanting to know the best way to learn the language of American Sign Language. "Wow," I think. "What a loaded question!" I think it has a lot to do with why you want to learn (Do you have a deaf grandchild you want to communicate with or do you just think it's cool looking?), how serious you are (was this just a last-minute idea or have you been planning this seriously for a while?), and what resources are available to you (Do you have internet access readily available; are there Deaf events in your area, etc.?).

If you're serious and you know you'll be sticking with it, here are five great ways to start your journey...

1. BOOKS WITH DVD's WITH THEM -- This would be for the very beginner or as a refresher for those coming back to ASL after a hiatus. If you're just going for vocabulary at first, I strongly recommend "The Gallaudet University American Sign Language Dictionary." Gallaudet University is by far the top resource for Deaf Americans and their dictionary only proves this. If you want to get started with sentence structure right away, try "The American Sign Language Phrase Book," by Lou Fant and Barbara Berstein Fant. The latest edition has a DVD with it. The pictures aren't the greatest, but it's great to learn basic ASL sentence structure. There are many other good books as well. I recommend going to Harris Communications and looking through their available ASL books.

2. INTERNET COURSES -- If you have the time to sit at your computer and do Facebook, you certainly have time to learn some great ASL lessons off the internet. There are online dictionaries at ASL Pro and Signing Savvy, etc. Both of these have a plethora of vocab words to show you and ASL Pro even has phrases available. ASL pro is based out of Texas and Signing Savvy is based out of Michigan, so you might see slight differences. Truth is, you'll be meeting Deaf people from all over and so it's good to know as many variations of sign concepts as possible. You can also go to YouTube.com and type in "American Sign Language" and you'll get tons of basic sign language or you to learn. If you type in "Intermediate American Sign Language," you'll get some pretty good, more advanced videos. Be wary of who is signing on them. You don't want to learn from another student.

3. LIFEPRINT.COM -- I'm giving this site it's own number, because if there were a way to learn ASL strictly online, the ASL University is the forerunner in this department. Filled with vocabulary, history, Deaf Culture, numbering/lettering (beginners and advanced), phrases, videos, facts, and more, it's taught by Bill Vicars (a Deaf/HOH ASL user) who is personable and thorough. There's even ways to contact him for information (though you shouldn't need to since it's all on the site) and it gets very advanced as you go -- as slowly or quickly as possible. You can pay and do the curriculum with his help for credit or you can even self-teach yourself the curriculum (if you're highly motivated). Very worth your time to check it out!

4. IN-PERSON/COLLEGE CLASSES -- Sure, some high schools are starting to offer ASL at their facility (Yay!), but most classes worth taking are college or just in-person classes. Every class should be evaluated on its own though. Attend at your own risk. There are some amazing ASL Interpreter Training Programs around the country, but there are also programs that bomb. Before signing up for an ASL class, find out who the teacher is. Are they Deaf/HOH/hearing/certified interpreter/CODA/etc? How much experience does he or she have? Which curriculum do they use? Do they use their voice the entire time or so you get to have some silent signing at times? Be careful and get recommendations. But in-person training is by far the best way to go about learning the basics.

5. DEAF/HOH EVENTS -- After (or while) you learn Basic American Sign Language, it's time to venture out into the Deaf world and get to know some native and skilled signers in your neighborhood. Look in your yellow pages for Deaf service agencies -- they should be able to supply you with local meeting times and activities to whet your appetite. For example, here in West Michigan, there are Deaf nights at two different malls, coffee meet-ups, ASL movies, softball, dances and even galas! If you're looking to work on your receptive skills and practice your expressive skills, there's plenty of opportunities for this! So, don't be shy. Get out there and mingle. It may be the only way to make yourself into an advance American Sign Language user.

"What Did You Say?"

I grew up with some hearing. Only one ear worked, but the one that worked, worked fairly well. So I spent my growing up years as a "hard of hearing hearie." I spoke and my hearing loss was mild enough that I didn't have any trouble speaking and learning new signs. It also left me able to sing, so I did community and professional musical theatre.

But time went on and, at the age of 29, I found myself stone deaf with absolutely no residual hearing whatsoever.

One thing I always enjoyed--other than live theatre--was English grammar. This includes pronunciations. I was a stickler for correct wording. But after I went deaf, pronunciations because a problem for me (for obvious reasons). We moved to a new state--with its own way of doing and saying things. I had to handle people saying, "Pop," instead of "soda," and seemingly trivial things like that. But how to say names of people, organizations, and even city names proved immensely difficult! My family would sit and laugh and laugh, because I pronounced "genre" as "gen-er," and not "johnrah." I thought they were setting me up and being mean when I found out "pilates," was not pronounced "pilots," or an autistic savant was not pronounced the same as "savage."

Yes, it's true that I'm not very skilled with pronunciations nowadays. It's darn impossible to know these things if I have no way of basing things in it.

I guess it's funny ,in a way, to the people who are listening. I'm just thankful that I use sign language and most of my deaf friends don't have a clue of how badly I speak. At least I try, right? I could just turn my voice off. That'd be the easy way. But I much prefer using my signs in public, saving my words to hearies who can then entertain themselves by embarrassing me.

A Deaf Joke For Your Reading Pleasure...

There was deaf neat-nik, who moved into a new house where it was a dusty mess. She got out the cleaners and garbage bags and went to work. When she got to the attic, she dusted off a lamp and a genie popped out said, "Oh, master, what may I grant thee?" The deaf woman signed, "Give me hearing." The genie blinked his eyes and the woman could hear.

"This is amazing!" the woman said. "You blinked your eyes and now I can hear!" The genie replied, "Yes, that's how it works. You have 2 wishes left. What else do you want?"

The then hearing neat-nik said, "Well, you can clean the house to get rid of all this dust." Another blink and it was done. "The 3rd wish," says the hearing woman, "I will hold onto for a while."

Then BOOM!!! BANG!!! Various noises were coming from everywhere! The woman ran downstairs and her kids were fighting and yelling. They saw her and start doing the usual sign and talk, only she could hear them and it drove her batty. She decided to tell her husband, but when she walked into the room, he was screaming and yelling at the TV. The radio was blaring, too, and his friends were all there hooting and hollering. “Oh, it’s just the game, Honey,” he signed.

The next day, she went to her job and she could hear the copier, the printer, the people, the traffic, and more. She went back home and the house was a mess. She freaked out and finally told them that they didn't appreciate her. "Just once," she said, "I wish I could have a quiet and clean house!!!" All of a sudden, she saw the genie, who blinked his eyes. Instantly, she was deaf again, back in her cleaning clothes in her attic. The genie said, "Seems to me that is the only way to grant your wish." The once again deaf neat-nik says, “THANK YOU!!!!!”

MY SECRET LANGUAGE AT THE ROLLER DERBY

Having no money and three months of summer to spend in the house with three adolescent kids can equal quite a bit of frustration and boredom. Oh, I’ve done my share of  drolling out chores or taking them to the park, but the park gets old after a while and chores, well, let’s just say that doesn’t exactly make the complaining stop.  Luckily, we were blessed with a little spending money the other day, so Kenny and I decided to take the family on an outing to the local roller skating rink.

I used to roller skate all the time as a kid. I was hell on wheels. Skating around my neighborhood, up and down the parking lots (we lived across the street from an elementary school) and around the playgrounds, I could really get my groove thing on. I was hot. Then I grew up. Or rather, I grew old. I tried roller skating again a year ago and fell flat on my face—which is unusual since most people actually fall on their butt. So, this time around, I brought my Nook to read while the others got their groove thing on and I decided I’d just observe.

That place was loud! How do I know? Well, when you can feel pounding in your chest from outside in the lobby, you know you’re in for a treat to your eardrums. I needn’t worry about that though, right? I just found myself a seat and preceded to enjoy feeling my entire body vibrate to rap songs for the bulk of the evening.

After getting everyone situated, they all took off to have some fun. Two of my kids made their way to the beginner’s circle and sat there. They were too intimidated by all the people—scared it would turn into some sort of roller derby on wood. They saw that I was looking at them, so they started talking to me.

”There’s too many people here,” my daughter, Natalie, signed to me.

“Just stay close to the outside and you’ll be fine,” I signed back.

Next, my son chimed in: “Look at me! I can skate on one foot! AHHH!” He fell with a smack onto the floor. But he was still proud.

After making sure he wasn’t dying or didn’t have a concussion, I turned my attention to Kenny and the oldest, Mollie. They were getting down, going around the rink at lightning speed. I tried to talk with them. They tried to watch me…until they ran into the person on their side and knocked them down. Then it DID become a roller derby of sorts. But still—we had our “secret language!” I could communicate with any one of them from where I sat (safely)—something other moms and onlookers couldn’t do.

Sure, it caused accidents and broken limbs and lots of dirty looks. But don’t all good things? The point is, I like my language. I can use it anywhere. And, most of the time, the results are very promising and good. OK. Maybe once in a while its use results in a trip to the ER. Geez. Judge much? It’s a good thing (Not the ER—the signing). I like it. And at the roller rink I got to witness it in full motion.

HOW SMOKING AND NUTRITION AFFECT YOUR HEARING by Guest Columnist John O'Connor

How Smoking and Nutrition Affect Your Hearing

Hearing is one of the five basic senses that perceive and interpret the world around us. When there is something physically or neurologically wrong with the way the brain receives sensory information, it can affect your behavior, reactions and quality of life. The choices you make can affect your hearing. When you choose to stay in an environment that hurts your ears or when you pick unhealthy habits such as smoking, you can make your current hearing issues worse.

Role that Smoking Plays in Hearing Loss

Many people believe that hearing loss is a normal part of the aging process, but recent research that was performed on teenagers exposed to secondhand smoke at home showed they were more likely to have sensorineural hearing loss than those who hadn’t. . Sensorineural hearing loss is a problem with the inner ear that occurs if the hair follicle receives an injury or dies. This type of hearing loss is common in seniors and cannot be reversed.

These teenagers had problems with every sound frequency tested but particularly the mid-to-high frequency ranges that are essential for understanding what you hear. Those with the greatest exposure to cigarette smoke had low frequency losses as well. Smoke restricts the blood vessels and results in less blood flow to the ears, but additional research performed on animals also showed there are nicotine receptors in the hair follicles. If smoke binds to those receptors, it creates a toxic situation that can destroy the hair follicle and cause hearing loss and other problems.

Role of Nutrition

While smoking or being exposed to second hand smoke can contribute to your need for a  hearing aid, , research has also looked at the role that nutrition plays. Hearing loss coincides with low levels of calcium and low bone density. Other studies have looked into B-12 deficiency and inadequate levels of folate. B-12 affects the neurological and vascular systems connected to hearing. When B-12 and folate are low, homocysteine is high. That can interfere with circulation and damage the nerves in the inner ear.

What You Can Do

Aging and loud noises certainly play into hearing loss, but you are not helpless to make a difference. Incorporating healthy living into your life can reverse middle ear tendencies to retain fluid and stop further deterioration of your inner ear. If you currently smoke, consider entering a program that can help you to stop. If you’ve living a sedentary lifestyle, search out ways to become more active. Daily exercise will help to increase bone density and help the body hang onto more calcium.

Studying nutritional principles and changing your dietary habits can also help. B-12 is found in dairy products, and folate comes in dark green leafy vegetables such as spinach. As research into hearing loss continues to unfold, it’s becoming more obvious that many of the problems associated with aging are not actually connected to aging at all. When you take the steps to avoid toxins and boost nutrition and

exercise today, you can avoid further hearing problems tomorrow.


John O'Connor is a father, husband, lover of sports and the outdoors and new found blogger.  He is passionate about healthy aging and living a healthy lifestyle especially in terms of hearing loss.  He feels hearing loss is a major problem and that it is important to spread awareness due to the lack of understand around the issue.

"HO! HO! HUH?" TURNING A LIMP HAND TO A FELLOW DEAFIE

Every year around this time, I begin to worry. I worry that we won’t have the money or capabilities to afford gifts for our children. I worry about that a lot. My husband tells me over and over that gifts are not what Christmas is about. He’s right. Yet still I worry. I’m sure even to the point of selfishness. And every year, God proves to me that He is in charge. We’ve never had a Christmas where we walked away in want. For that I am truly grateful.

In fact, it amazes me (understatement) how many blessings are bestowed upon our family at this time of year. This year is no different. Friends, family, and anonymous donors flabbergast us as the days roll by. Cookies, candy, gift cards, even money, are placed in our hands with only “A Friend” or “Use this wherever you are in need” scribbled on a note or card.

At this time, we aren’t able to do a lot for others, but I certainly try through cards and food and any gifts I’m able to purchase. I want to give back.

Now, you would think that, with all the good coming our way, I wouldn’t have a whole lot of complaining to do. But if you do think that, you don’t know me very well. Sad to say, but I’m a whiner, and what I’m usually whining about is inequality of communication access for poor, little, old, Deaf me.

Why can’t I go see the movie I want to see? Why do I always have to settle for what they’ll give me?

Why can’t I join the group of Christmas carolers and sing my heart out?

Why doesn’t Santa Claus at the mall offer an interpreter so I can sit on his lap and tell him my inner-most thoughts? OK. That one hasn’t actually happened, but I wouldn’t put it past me.

Case in point…I hate being left out. I hate that I have to ask for assistance. I hate that I can’t enjoy things in the same, full way that many can. I hate, I hate, I hate.

Well, Bah! Humbug!

So, anyway, I’m cleaning up the kitchen yesterday afternoon and my 11-yeear-old daughter charges in. “Santa Claus is at the door.”

“Huh? What does that mean?”

“It means that Santa Claus is at the door. He just tapped on the glass and shouted, ‘Ho! Ho! Ho!’”

Immediately I’m thinking child predator in a Santa Claus suit. OK. Not really. I walk into the living room and, sure enough, there’s Kris Kringle at the door, waving at me through the glass.

Now, we have people come to the house pretty often. Aside from a pair of Jehovah Witnesses, there’s never ever been a signer. So, I’ve simply come to expect that anyone who comes to the door—especially ones who are shouting with laughter through the glass—are obviously hearing individuals.

I smile and open the glass door. “Hi! What can I do for you, sir?” I state. No hand motions in sight.

Santa starts to speak. Afraid that he’s going to get chatty, I immediately point at my ear, shake my head and let him know I’m deaf. He looks scared. So, turning away, facing in the complete opposite direction of his eyes, I offer my son up to interpret for him. Santa doesn’t say anything. In fact, if I’m right, he looks pretty darn confused.

He gently hands me a card. I ask who it’s from and my kids say he said, “A friend.”

“Wow! Well, Merry Christmas!” I shout and he leaves us all standing at the door, wondering what in the heck just happened.

It doesn’t really matter what happened next. Suffice it to say we were overwhelmed with the goodness of the Lord with the gift that was inside that card. After a lot of talking about who we thought he might have been, we give up for the time being. An hour later, my teen girl runs into the room and signs, “He had a Deaf accent!! He had a Deaf accent!! I wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, because I couldn’t understand some of the stuff he said, but that’s why!”

So, here we had a nice and caring man, donning a Santa Claus outfit, who was, by all speculation, deaf, come to the door and I didn’t sign a single thing to him. I put that poor man in the same predicament I was whining about just earlier that same day. A Deafie had created inequality of communication access with a fellow Deafie.

I feel awful. I really do. And, no, we don’t know for sure if that man was, indeed, deaf. But the fact is, why did I presume that the person would be hearing and prefer oral communication, even when it’s the opposite of what I want? I complain that people can’t sign, and those who say they can, usually mean they can show me the ABCs over the course of 15 minutes. This man, if he was deaf, came to our door, “knowing” and expecting that he’d be able to chat. Maybe. Guess that just goes to show that it can work both ways.

I’ve learned my lesson though. I won’t assume people are hearing anymore. Besides, we all know what happens when you “assume.” You make an “ass” out of U and Me. Well, how’s that for Merry Christmas?

OOPS! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

Oh, to learn a new language! If you’re one of the millions of people who have decided to learn a foreign language, perhaps you’ll consider learning American Sign Language. As you may know, ASL is a totally foreign language from English and it takes just as much time and dedication to become fluent in ASL as any other foreign language, like, say, Japanese.

As people begin to learn a language, there are inevitable mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes can get you in a heap of trouble, too. Almost as much as bluffing, if you aren’t sure what’s been said or how to say what you want to say, guessing can cause chaos…not to mention a pretty bad reputation.

So, as you begin to study ASL, please be aware of some of the signs that can get mixed up in a shuffle. Here are a few of the signs I’ve seen confused with each other:

PILL & SOON

CONDOM & MONTH

ENGINEER & FLIRT

MAKE, MAKE OUT, & COFFEE

RED & THIRSTY

SCHOOL & PAPER

MORE & KISSING

DATE & DESSERT

MOVIE & CHEESE

FAKE & MOUSE

FAMILY & IMPORTANT

VAGINA & TRIANGLE

RECENTLY & SEX

WAIT & FIRE

TEA & VOTE

HAMBURGER & MARRIAGE

LATE & NOT YET

ALL & ARRIVE

SOMEONE & ALWAYS

PEOPLE & VISIT

CHOCOLATE & CHURCH

COMPLAIN & COUGH

IF & COURT

ROCK & WORK

INTEREST & ISLAND

PLAY, SHOW, & SCIENCE

COURT & DECIDE

It’s true that some of the above signs are frequently rearranged. Check them out and see if you are guilty of a mix-up to two.

SMALL TALK -- IS IT REALLY WORTH THE EFFORT?

It happened (again) just a couple of days ago. I’d had my fill of things to deal with and I just wanted to be left alone. Unfortunately, that wasn’t possible. I had to go to my daughter’s school and help out with the popcorn. I mean, hey, it was “Popcorn Friday,” and they needed me. I only had to be there until all the popcorn sacks were filled and ready to be delivered to the various classes. So, I arrived and I knew where to go. I checked in with the secretary, Karen – she knows me. She waved, I waved, we parted.

Then I get to the popcorn machine. I looked at the list of volunteers that day and it said, “Stacey M” and me, so I decided to wait for Stacey, because I’d never done that before and I had no idea how to even start the popcorn machine…much less actually make the popcorn.

I hadn’t been at the machine more than three minutes before the PTO chairperson approached and told me…something. I ask how to work it and she mumbled with a few things. I explained I’m deaf; she mumbled even more. Not to mention that, while she gabbed, she’s also repositioned things and got things ready (I’m assuming). Then she looked up, smiled, and patted me on the back as she walked away.

What should I have done? I knew even less after she left than I did before she showed up in the first place. I played with a few doohickeys to see if any of them would create power and allow the machine to become THE POPCORN MASTER. Yeah, yeah, it’s supposed to be “MAKER,” but I like “MASTER” better. It makes me feel tall. Don’t ask.

The fact of the matter is I’d been standing there for a half hour with no idea what to do. Then, behold, Stacey M. showed up. She was babbling and smiling and, I’m guess apologizing for being late. She flips the switch and the MASTER comes to life. Hallelujah!

But as we stood there, filling up bags, Stacey starts to make small talk. Oy vey! Small talk is not my forte. I mean, I can’t hear a thing. They only reason I knew she was talking was because he lips were flapping and she kept giggling at something only she thought funny.

That’s one thing in my life I wish I had – the ability to make small talk with hearing people. If I can even get someone to talk/write for me. It happens very seldomly though.  Actually, it never happens. If someone doesn’t know I’m deaf and starts talking and I let them know, they usually walk away (in my opinion, because they felt uncomfortable or embarrassed by our different languages).

So, if you become deaf today, and you have no residual hearing, no lipreading abilities, etc., what do you do? Announce to the world you’re deaf and not to talk with you? OK. What happens if they do that…if they smile and nod and ignore you. Is that better? Or do you feel oppressed because they don’t want to try? It’s a catch 22 and I hate it!

To engage in conversation or not to engage in conversation (or attempt to engage in conversation). That is the question. (Was that really a question? Sounds like a fragmental statement to me). Truth is, with me, it depends on the circumstance. There have been many times where I simply shook my head and pointed to my ear to let others know I’m deaf. That usually sends them running and then there’s no need to put forth that effort. But there are many times where I will be bored or I’ll see someone I vaguely know and I’ll wish we could converse. Like I said, a catch 22. 

What I do is I evaluate the situation. Where am I, with whom am I, why am I there with whomever (that’s a very strange word…whom), how long will I be there, stuff like that.

I think hearing people underestimate the power of small talk in this world. It’s a part of daily life for most people. But what about those who can only make small talk with a few people? Can I not go to the grocery store, stand in line, and make a sarcastic, yet, utterly witty comment? Most days I don’t want to anyway (I’ve never been good in face to face situations), but there are many days when I want to make fun of someone or show the person behind me the new tap dance move I’ve invented. Or perhaps even do the moonwalk down aisle 13 with the woman in the yellow shirt. But I don’t.

Small talk can be very tricky. Very irritating. And very liberating. I hate things like that.

SIGNING WITH YOUR BABY -- Is It All Hype?

It seems to me that “baby sign language” (as it is often called) has been popping up everywhere I go. Being a Deaf, ASL teacher, I get asked a lot of questions about this topic. One of the most frequently asked is whether baby sign language actually works. My short answer is: Yes, it definitely works if you do it correctly. My long version would more like the following…

Just like American Sign Language, the first thing you need to take into consideration is that not all baby sign language classes are created equally. Who’s teaching it? Are they fluent in ASL? Do they use it on a daily basis? The teacher needs to have some experience on the topic. Unlike learning true ASL, it isn’t imperative that the teacher is a native signer, but they must have rudimentary ideas of what you need to equip yourself for this experience.

Another very important question, and arguably the most important question of all, is whether the class is teaching ASL signs or not. There are several classes out there that do not use actual ASL signs. They have their own system of signs, use “home signs,” or just flap their hands around and hope something impressive comes out of them. It is vital that your class teach ASL signs. Now, don’t worry about the word order if all you’re wanting is to communicate in sign with your hearing baby. Grammatical structure of ASL isn’t necessary in this situation, but all situations are different.

Of course, I do have an opinion on this matter (who, me???). I personally feel the use of ASL conceptualization is the way to go as opposed to Signing English.  I’m not talking word order here. You should be able to sign and speak at the same time, but you can’t do that if you’re using ASL. (This is only in regard to a hearing parent wanting to sign a few words with their hearing kids.) Anyway, there are several books and DVDs out there to show you how to work with your children, but some of them do not use ASL.

As a teacher, when I teach Sign With Your Baby or Toddler classes, I am certified through Northlight Communications. Sounds fancy, eh? All that means is that I use the Sign With Your Baby method of teaching. And all that means is I teach ASL signs and conceptualization. It’s what’s right. You must do what’s right in this world…OK, I got off on a tangent.

Introducing sign language to your baby can be a lot of fun, but so many people take it so darn seriously that it loses the very essence that makes it something useful. People become frustrated that they think their baby’s not picking it up fast enough or that all their hard work is for nothing. Don’t despair! It’s not all in vain. You must remember that baby’s will generally start signing around the 7^th month. Seven. Not two weeks, not two months, but seven months.

Also, if a parent is teaching their child a sign and the child starts moving his hands in an odd way whenever the subject comes up, this doesn’t mean he’s signing it wrong. They’re babies. They’re not going to sign fluently and clearly at first. Just hang on, have some persistence and know that, eventually, if you continue to sign it correctly, he will pick it up. Just be patient!

Another thing I’ve found in teaching is that most parents are so eager to start using the sign language that they want to know all of the signs now. No, not now…yesterday. They want to immediately be able to pick it up and be fluent. Come on, guys, this is just totally illogical. You don’t pick up German quickly and easily (unless you live with Helga the former barbarian), and you won’t pick up ASL that way either.

So pick out three words (MILK, MORE, EAT), and begin to sign these three words any time it is appropriate. Sign and say it clearly and try to keep it near your face. You can use these three in many situations: the baby’s hungry and wants to EAT; The baby’s drinking milk or breast feeding; The baby’s finished his food and wants MORE, etc. Just use those three. After you’re comfortable, you can start using three more. Just don’t try to cram too many signs down your baby’s mouth.

Again, I say this to all hearing parents of hearing babies. If you have a deaf child, you will want to use ASL – not baby sign language.

If you start signing as soon as your child is born, there will be no problems getting them to copy you. Just be patient and do not, under any circumstance, get frustrated with them. Another good tip is to make sure that the baby knows what you’re signing about. If you’re looking across a field at the sunset and there’s a cow grazing, you sign SUNSET and the baby sees the cow and thinks that’s what you’re signing. You have to make sure you’re clear as to what you are expressing.

Another great way to teach sign to your baby would be through music. If you go to the Sign2Me/Northlight Communications site, they sell a CD called “Pick Me Up” that has the signs and the songs together. No, this isn’t a commercial. I personally think it’s a little expensive, but it’s one of the best ones out there.

Know your baby or toddler. Know their personality. Know how they learn. Experiment. Play. And just, generally, have fun. This is supposed to be a fun experience for everyone. And, believe me, the day your baby signs MORE to you after finishing his mashed carrots will be one of the most memorable ones in your life!

CAREFUL: DEAF PEOPLE CAN YELL BACK!

This morning, I went to the gas station for a tea, like I do way too often! The cashier at the counter was not one I’d met before. He was obviously very tired. He looked at me, scratched his head, and mumbled… something. I looked at him questioningly and I motioned my finger to my ear while shaking my head—indicating that I'm Deaf.

He didn’t miss a beat. He leaned across the counter, moistened his chicken lips and yelled, "DO YOU HAVE GAS????"

I looked over at him, glanced around at the other staring patrons, and yelled back, "NO! MY MEDICATION IS STARTING TO WORK, THANK YOU!!!" The look on his face was priceless!

This isn't the first time this has happened to me (even with the same question). I’ve always had a witty retort. Sometimes I’ve whispered them out of the corner of my mouth, but usually I’ve just kept them deep inside the eccentric confines of my head. But this morning I was feeling good. Didn’t have any worries about the day. And I decided to finally express myself in the way I felt I should. I finally decided to yell back. And, I’ll tell you something: It felt wonderful!!!

No, shouting at a deaf person will not help rectify his hearing “problem.” But it might get you a reaction you’d better be prepared to receive.

MAYBE IT'S THE FANGS...........

 (WARNING: Angry Deaf Woman Venting Ahead!!!)

The church my family joined when we moved to Michigan had a sign language interpreter available for the services. It was nice, but I was the only Deaf member. A couple of years later, the interpreter moved, leaving me without an ability to participate in services or activities within the church. Still, my family liked the church, and so we stayed. Well, I should say, they continued to attend services, while I stayed at home alone. After a while, my husband’s work schedule changed and he had to work Sunday mornings. So, he called another member of the church, and asked if they could pick the kids up on their way there. It worked out OK, but I started feeling like a hypocrite…telling them they need to attend church and learn about Jesus, while I sat at home and picked my nose. (I didn’t actually pick my nose…often…I was just using that as an example.)

So, earlier this year, I decided to embark on a journey of finding a church with a good-sized Deaf ministry, that also had a great youth department and was, of course, Baptist. It actually wasn’t as difficult as I’d expected. I found one fairly quickly. It was perfect for the kids: Awesome activities, fun ways of teaching and including them, and lots of opportunities to join in with the crowd and make friends. It had the second largest Deaf ministry in Grand Rapids as well. Cool beans!!

I knew several people in the Deaf ministry (other Deafies, not the interpreters), so that helped make me more comfortable as well. Although people do not believe me, I’m rather shy and going to new places scares me. What if they don’t like me? What if I’m not accepted? This church gave me a glimmer of hope that I would be very much accepted and included.

So…I decided to take the plunge and join the church. I had attended several services: Sunday morning and evening and a Wednesday night Bible Study. For the Sunday morning service, it was a pretty usual set up. The hearing congregation sat in the general area and there was a section set-aside for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing to follow an interpreter. That was great! Most of the interpreters were pretty good, too, which can be rare in a church setting.

The Sunday night and Wednesday night gatherings were good, too. Although the Deaf and Hard of Hearing had their own class. They’re not in with the “general” population. That seems good, unless you’re a mixed couple (my hubby is hearing) and want to attend something together. Sure, he could attend the Deaf Ministry, but it’s not as face-paced as the Hearing studies. So, he went to his and I went to mine. Really not a big deal and, to be honest, I kind of liked the small break from him. Just kidding. Sort of.

But I started noticing something. When I was out in the hall alone, with a hundred other members, no one would approach me, much less try to communicate with me. And when I was with my hearing husband or children in the same situation, people would approach the hearing family members and speak to them. I stood there like a tree stump and smiled (fakely) as if I was just simply honored by their presence. They wouldn’t even look me in the eyes. Scared that, if they did, I might try to communicate with them. And then they’d have to communicate back. Heaven forbid! (Considering it IS church, I suppose if Heaven forbade, it would be a legitimate excuse. But I haven’t found anywhere in the Bible where it states to love your neighbor unless they communicate differently than you.)

When they would approach to speak to my husband, I was OK with it. A little insulted that they wouldn’t even look at me though. But when they approached and had lengthy, laughing conversations with my children and completely ignored me, THAT caused a problem. I will NOT be made to feel inferior to my kids. I will not be ignored while hearing people address the ten-year-old, instead of the Deaf mother standing RIGHT THERE!

That really started to get me miffed. But I was in church. “Though shalt not get miffed in church.” I think I’ve seen it written somewhere. So, I smiled and acted like I was just happy they would share my general space and breathing air with me. How flattering. How daring for them! (Can you sense my sarcasm, here??)

Then, this morning, my 13-year-old daughter, Mollie, and I went forward to join the church at the end of the morning service. My husband was working, so he wasn’t around. I’d seen a joining by another person before and knew what to expect:

We would go forward (an interpreter knew and was to come with me), fill out a paper, give it to the pastor, the pastor would announce us (he’d already spoken to my husband, so he knew the deal), and then the congregation would come forward, form a line, and shake our hands to welcome us. Cool. I’d joined a church before. I knew how it went. However, I’d never joined a church without my hearing husband with me. And that seemed to make all the difference in the world.

We went forward, filled out the paper, gave it to the pastor and stood there as he announced us and our joining to the congregation. Of course, he also mentioned that I was Deaf. That’s OK. I am. He then said the usual about coming and welcoming us as the new members of the church and then he ended the service.

This is where everyone gets up, gets into a line, and welcomes us……right??? Nope. Three member of the Deaf ministry came up and shook my hand, two very elderly hearing individuals came up and said, “Welcome”…everyone else shot out of there as quickly as they could get the doors open. Why? No, they didn’t have an emergency or a pot luck to attend (which could be considered an emergency to a bunch of hungry Baptists). They left, because I’m Deaf. They’re Hearing. No need to welcome me. Let the Deaf Ministry do it. And that leaves me with the anger I’m feeling today.

It seems in this world, that people think people who are alike congregate together. In this case, Hearing people hang out with Hearing people, because obviously, Deaf people have their Deaf friends to hang out with. What year is this, people?? I felt like a Black person back in the old South. You hang out with your kind, ma’am. And I’m sick and tired of it!

It happens everywhere I go. People assume that, because I’m Deaf, I’m unapproachable. Don’t worry about her, she’s Deaf. Is she wants a friend, she’ll find another Deaf person to be her friend. OR they think, Well, I don’t know sign language, so I guess I can’t try to chat with them. They’re different, you see. Bullspit!

Just because I cannot hear a person does NOT mean I should be shunned by anyone who cannot sign! I am not an inferior person because I have a communication difference from a Hearing person. I am just as much a person who needs friends and compassion and to feel included at church as anyone else! And I’m tired of being set apart. Tired, I say!!!!

What doesn’t help (on my end) is that I haven’t always been totally deaf. Growing up, I usually didn’t even have to mention my hearing loss, because I could work around it. So, as a “hearing” person, I know how if feels to be treated like another hearing person. You’re treated like a….GASP…human being. A person on the same level. Not an inferior form of the human race. Which is how Deaf people are mostly treated like. And it is really pissing me off!!!

I know how it feels to be treated “normally,” and I know how it feels to be treated as a Deafie. There is a HUGE difference. Difference in politeness, in respect, in equality. And why?? Just because one can distinguish your vocal sounds better than the other?

(Deep breathing………………………)

Look, I’m not asking for special treatment. If ANYTHING, I’m asking for the opposite. I want to be treated like everyone else. Stop being so scared of me! What is the deal with that, anyway? Why are most people so freaking scared of Deaf people? The only thing I can figure that might help us be treated better is to make ourselves less scary. Perhaps we should all buy some files and file down our fangs. Would THAT make you look at us any differently?

PARDON ME WHILE I MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR

As I was preparing for my sign language class that was about to begin, two students arrived early. As is usually the case, they each entered, smiled sheepishly and sat down in silence. A few seconds of getting settled and one excitedly begins to speak. Signing awkwardly and speaking at the same time, she begins: “Oh my gosh! I was working on my signing vocabulary last week and you won’t believe what happened!” Becoming excited, she begins to speak at a lightning speed and all semblance of sign language is lost. She and the other student engage in a very animated and enthusiastic discussion while I look on. When she’s finished, she turns me with wide eyes and smiles expectedly. But I haven’t the faintest clue what she’s just said.

I look at her and ask, “So, what exactly happened last week when you were working on your sign vocabulary? It seems exciting.”

“Well, I was …” Again, her frantic behavior and rapid speech made it virtually impossible for me to comprehend any word or sign she uttered.

“Wait!” I stopped her before she went on. “I can’t understand you. You need to slow down. Can you sign it?”

A moment of obvious discomfort later, she shifts in her chair. Finally, she looks up and, with a sympathetic expression, states, “Never mind. It’s not important.”

GASP! NO! NOT THAT! It’s not important to whom? It was obviously important by the body language and facial expressions she used when telling the other student, why would it not be important now? Or does she mean I’m not important enough for her to go through the trouble of repeating it? Be it right or be it wrong, when you say, “Never mind,” and “It’s not important,” to a deaf or hard of hearing person, that’s the message that comes across. “You’re not important enough for me to put forth effort to explain it to you.”

Try to imagine how you would feel if you went to a party and someone tells the most hilarious joke ever at just the moment your child tugs at your shirt and distracts you. The crowd breaks out in guffaws and screams of delight. When finished with your child’s needs, you look up and eagerly ask, “What was so funny?” Now imagine that the only response you get is someone brushing you off while saying, “Oh, it’s not important,” and then abandoning you for others in the crowd who actually know what’s going on. Doesn’t feel so hot, does it?

It doesn’t matter whether what you were saying was some stupid joke you heard from your five-year-old or a grand soliloquy your boss gave before he fired you, if it’s important enough to say once, to, say, a hearing person who is easy to converse with, it’s important enough to figure out a way to help the hearing-impaired person you’re with to understand what you were sharing.

In other words, sign, speak (clearly), mime, gesture, or write, but DO repeat it for us. Let us decide if it was worth all that effort. Because, whether you mean it or not, “Never mind,” can have much the same impact as turning to that person and telling them to go to hell.

LIE FOR SURE -- DO I HAVE A GUN?

Bert: I got this great new hearing aid the other day. 

Chester: Are you wearing it now? 

Bert: Yep. Cost me $4,000, though. But it’s top of the line! 

Chester: What kind is it? 

Bert: Twelve-thirty. 

Hurt. Denial. Fear. Depression. Bewilderment. Anger. Disappointment. Resentment. Grief. Everyone who experiences major hearing loss as an adult goes through the entire array of emotions. Some days you’re ready to kill the cashier at the store, because you can’t hear the total or see the screen and she won’t write it down. Other days you laugh so hard you pee in your pants when your body-building friend tells you that, because his friends weren’t around, he had to do his sets all alone that day, and you misread “sets” as “sex.” Still other days you sit alone in your room, feeling completely isolated and left out—sure that you will never be able to have a “normal,” causal conversation again. You go through so many different feelings within even one day, that you start suspecting you may have multiple personalities.  

What you don’t feel, or even realize, is that what you’re experiencing is completely normal for anyone with such a major loss in his or her life. So, what do you do? How do you cope? Well, there’s a ton of suggestions available out there—whether you ask for them or not. 

“Learn Sign Language.”

“Practice lipreading. It can’t be that difficult.”

“Just get over it.”

“Join the local deaf community and get involved.”

“Eat green tomatoes on Wednesday at 6 PM.”

Like it or not, everyone seems to have an opinion. Problem is, most of these opinions come from people who have never experienced hearing loss of any kind. You’ve lived your entire life; you have dreams, goals, and ambitions; and then suddenly one day….POOF! Your plans disappear like your kids when it’s time to clean out the litter box. 

There are many options for dealing with late-onset deafness. No one size fits all though. But whether you decide to go this way or that way with your communication methods and life ambitions, there’s one thing that is a ‘must have’ in this situation: You must have a sense of humor about it.

          

Oh, it’s not easy. I never said or suggested that. However, without humor, all that’s left is quitting. And we don’t want you to do that! 

Perhaps you’re reading this and wondering how in the heck you are supposed to find humor in deafness. Oh, ye of little faith. It isn’t hard, actually. It’s there. You just have to have a clear head and an open mind to find it.

Take my friend, Sarah. Her hearing loss was gradual. At one time she was able to use an FM loop at our little church here in Michigan. One day, right after the morning service had started and the pastor began to introduce his new series about abstinence before marriage, she started fumbling with her FM system. She realized that the pastor had forgotten to turn his mic on. So, without missing a beat, she raised her hand, stood up, and asked the pastor (very loudly, as most late-deafened adults do), “Pastor, are you turned on?” Needless to say, it was an amusing anecdote to bring up at all subsequent church gatherings.

Then there was the story I was told about my Aunt Doris. She’d become deafened during a car accident over in England, had come back home, and decided to teach herself to lipread to help facilitate communication. Well, “facilitate” might not be the right word….

After a while of working on and honing her “skill,” she was soon put to the test at a family reunion. As the family gathered around to eat, drink, and be merry, Aunt Doris began to choke. Ever the fast thinker in a stressful situation, Grandpa Joe leapt up, and started slapping her on the back. A minute went by and everything seemed to be OK. Grandpa then lovingly leaned over, and very gently told her, “Big breaths, Doris.” Her response? “They used to be…” Hmmmm……….

And then there’s my dear husband, Kenny. He’s hearing, you see, but because I cannot lipread and use sign language as my main mode of communication, he decided to learn it, too. Sweet, huh? Well, one day I was in a healthcare meeting with Kenny and three Deaf professionals. When one of the Deaf attendees told us that they would be cutting us a check that day, Kenny enthusiastically responded (in sign, of course): “That’s perfect! I can deposit the check right now!” Sounds good, eh? Only two problems: the sign he used for “perfect” was actually the sign for “penis,” and the sign for “deposit?” Well, use your imagination. All I can say is that it was very amusing to watch everyone in the room roar with laughter so hard that they were crying…all at my poor hubby’s expense. Thank goodness he’s a good sport!

Humor. There’s nothing funny about living your life as a hearing person and then being thrust into a world of silence, discrimination, and, sometimes, downright torment. There’s no negating that fact. But if you stop and try…really try…to see if you can find something in the situation (even if in retrospect) that can help make you smile, eventually you’ll find yourself agreeing with the old saying: “Life is short, so laugh it up!” Or, in lipreading, that might be: “Lie for sure. Do I have a gun?” Fitting, wouldn’t you say?

DEAF MOTHER VS. HEARING MOTHER

Sitting in the front row of the auditorium, I eagerly await my childs turn in the talent show. All the other mothers are clapping their hands to the beat and cheering their little one on, the first to rise and cheer with a standing ovation when the song ends. I stretch my neck to see if I can see backstage and find my daughter looking timid and scared. Oh, how I wish I could run up there and wrap my arms around her. Everyone returns to his or her seat as my child takes center stage and begins to croon her tune. She looks so nervous and her eyes search me out. I try to sway back and forth, indicating that Im enjoying the performance, but, in reality, I cant hear a thing and dont even know If the songs tempo is fast or slow. As I watch her, I try to keep a lookout from the corner of my eye to see when people may be getting ready to clap. I want to be the first one to stand up, giving her the standing ovation I feel she deserves, no matter how the show turns out. I struggle to enjoy the entire situation. Its a lot of hard work to try to keep up and I have the sinking feeling others are talking about the poor girls Deaf mother.

Walking through the mall with my four-year-old in tow, we pass a man handing out balloons. He mumbles something to me that I do not understand and then bends down to chat with my son. My son has not yet comprehended the concept that, even though hes not speaking directly to me, he should still sign if Im standing with him. So he and this complete stranger have a conversation, which involves giggles on my sons part, playfulness on this mans part and overall delight. In the meantime, I stand there feeling like an idiot because I havent a clue what this guy is telling my kid and I secretly feel like a third wheel. The man stands up, mutters something about the conversation to me. I smile and mouth the words Thank you, while signing. His eyes bulge out of his head, obviously just now realizing my deafness. As he hurries away, I can almost see him give my son a look of pity for having a Deaf mother.

Sitting on my bed with my TTY pulled to me, I am typing to an important client. My children rush in, jump onto the bed and start poking me in the shoulder so hard that I grow welts. I tell them to shush and to go away and then I try to ignore them. That, of course, does no good. A few more welts and some pretty nasty bruises, I finally turn to them and assertively tell them that Mama is on the phone and to get out of my room until Im finished. They leave, but as I turn back to this highly important conversation, I realize I have missed something and do not know what has been said. I sheepishly explain that I missed part of the conversation and the client repeats it with annoyance. I hang up the phone thinking I have one less client who has confidence in my ability.

These are just three examples of the difficulties involved in motherhood as a Deaf woman. Things many people take for granted are sometimes simply not applicable to a family affected by deafness.  Some people may take it to mean that a mother who cannot hear does not have the capabilities of loving and caring for her children as well as a hearing person. Some may even believe that were not intelligent enough to pull it off. But the fact of the matter is, mothering is difficult whether youve got all five senses or absolutely none. But lets take another look at being a Deaf mother of a hearing child and see if its really as disadvantaged as some may think

In the Kindergarten class, everyone is allowed to invite their parent to do something special on their birthday. Some moms bring in a cake and sing, Happy Birthday, others pass out party favors and decorate the room. All of these are wonderful ideas! But I bring in cake and ice cream, I decorate the room with balloons, I hand out toys to take home and play with, and just before we bring out the presents, I teach the entire class how to sing, Happy Birthday, in sign language! Everyone is thrilled to have learned how to speak with their hands and my childs birthday is the hit of the year! Now, that takes the cake!

Sitting at my daughters high school graduation, she is to be the student speaker for her class. My daughter has always had quite a shy streak and I can see that she is visibly anxious as she leafs through the pages of her speech. She raises her head and gives me a forced smile as she stands to address the audience. A few minutes into her speech she is frantically searching for the right words, but they arent coming to her. But see, Id seen her speech a hundred times and I knew it like the back of my hand. She desperately glances over at me and I begin to sign her speech to her, subtly, with my hands low and out of view of the other audience members. She reads my signs and slowly the speech comes back to her. She is able to finish and even ends with the reception of a standing ovation! Now tell me, how many hearing parents can do that?

It has nothing to do with a lack of love or ability or worth. Whether you are Deaf, Hard of Hearing, or hearing, being a mother takes special kinds of skills. You have to be able to love with all of your heart. You have to be able to give of yourself without keeping score. You have to be able to watch your little angel grow from a helpless, dependent infant, into a strong and capable adult. Being a mother is hard work. Being a Deaf mother is even harder. But the one who loves the most and who loves the most freely is the mother who will endure all. And thats what makes all the difference.

The Controversial Cochlear Implant

I'm not here to debate right and wrong. I just go finished watching an old (2008) copy of "Sweet Nothings In My Ear." If you've seen it, you'll recall it's about a family with a deaf son. The father (hearing) finds out about the CI and brings it up to his month (deaf). Not surprisingly, they have differing views on the matter.

This movie is an excellent one and must-see for anyone interested in or working with the deaf and hard of hearing. Marlee Matlin is awesome, as usual, and Jeff Daniels (in my opinion) does a really good job at signing for someone who learned as an adult. 

What do I think about cochlear implants. Well, let me tell you....

I was born with only one ear. I grew up being able to hear fairly well out of the other ear until I lost all hearing whatsoever. The doctors tried to force a CI on me. Not knowing better and not being educated, I went with the flow. I got my CI in April of 2000 and it was a complete failure. I couldn't hear a thing. They had failed to test my auditory nerves. So now I'm stone deaf and I've had my CI removed (happily).

I am not one to criticize adults who want to get an implant and see what happens. I do, however, have a slight problem with adults who force small children (even babies) to have the procedure done. I think that each person should be able to decide for themselves...including kids. Which means they should be old enough to know what they're getting themselves into.

Cochlear implants are not some miracle cure. You'll always be deaf. But if you're hearing loss is substantial and you can't seem to fit in in other ways (seriously studying sign language or lipreading), then it's up to you. Just don't drag kids into it. Let them decide and make sure it's THEM deciding and not coaching from you. That's just this deafie's opinion.

Ignorance Is Bliss....To Whom???

It seems like every time I tell someone about my experiences out in the hearing world, their remark is "There's no fixing ignorance." But I thought ignorance was bliss. This confuses me. Now, I'm not saying all Hearing people are ignorant. Not by FAR. But why is it so hard for so many people to understand the concept of "I'm deaf. I cannot hear you. Could you please write that down?" It seems most only hear, "I'm death. blah blah blah blah." Yes, that's me. Just give me that sickle and I'll dress up like the Grim Reaper and be "death." But seriously, why is it so hard to understand that I cannot lipread? Especially when it's introduced with, "I can't lipread. I am deaf. I need that written down." Yet most people continue to talk on, completely unaware that they lost me at Hello. Don't understand it. What would be better? What could I possibly say or write to get them to understand? I've tried writing to them so that they "see" I'm deaf. I've tried talking to them so that they hear, "I'm deaf." I've tried acting it out in a mirage of images and mime. No luck. So, tell me. What's my next step? Holing up in my house isn't exactly working for me. I'd love to know!