CORRECTION: Make Them or Not?

Before I started teaching American Sign Language, I made a lot of assumptions. I assumed that everyone knew never to wear black socks with shorts and white tennis shoes, that when people asked for your opinion, they actually wanted it, and that all Sign Language students wanted to be corrected if blatantly wrong. What I found out, though, is that I was three for three. Plenty of people don black socks in the summer. No one wants to know if such and such an outfit makes them look fat. And, many times, new signers (and some more experienced ones as well) don't want to know when they're signing wrong. Many just want to "amaze" you with their so-called ability and leave it at that.

I learned this the hard way. With my kids, they didn't get to say -- I had to correct them so they'd grow up to be at least partially fluent. Signing DESERVE when they meant MOST became a terrible habit, but at least it wasn't my hubby signing PENIS when he meant PERFECT. (In his defense, he only did this once -- in a group of Deaf people -- but I've teased him about it incessantly since.)

I can recall one time when my child's physical therapist invited me to go to a scrapbook party with some of her hearing friends. All was going well till the end when she decided to interpret a conversation for me. Now, this woman had only learned sign from a book. Which book? I do not know, but I would have guessed the book was titled, "50 Things Not to Do When You Sign."

As she chewed her gum and smiled hugely (over-enunciating as she signed), she started signing for me: BOSS DONT-WANT S-A-A ARREST HIS HAIR. WALK DESERVE BROTHER NOW INDEPENDENT WE. They all started giggling and clapping at their remark and then turned to me for my reaction. The look on my face was priceless. I looked like I was trying to hold off on a big fart. Huh??? I looked at my friend and she gave me the dirtiest look that clearly said, "Act like you know what's going on or I'll kill you." Again, I had no idea, so I asked for a repeat. She smiled politely and then signed the exact same thing again.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand. Can you write that down for me?" Another woman picked up a pen and wrote, "The President doesn't know his ass from his head. Maybe the new guy can save us."

Ohhh!! I nodded and acted like it was funny. They left for easier conversations and I turned to my friend and started to show her how to sign those two sentences. She glared at me and walked away without saying anything. In fact, she never spoke to me again. Ever.

The longer I've been dealing with students, the more I'm realizing how being corrected can be quite the insult. However, if you truly want to learn -- and be correct while you're doing it -- you have to embrace the opportunity when fluent Deaf people offer their "services." I , also, have to learn when to show people the correct sign and when to smile and let it go. However, if you're my student, be prepared to learn. That's my job. I'm not there to clap and sign praises if you're wrong. That's why you hired me. But I am very nice about it.

BOTTOM LINE? Respect the language and learn as you go. Be around Deaf signers and get as much education from them as they offer. It's really the whole point, isn't it?

Say WHAT?

I really appreciate hearing people who know some signs--how they use what they know when they're around me. I know many--if not most--professionals I've been to, in addition to hiring an interpreter, seem to try a few phrases and work from there. They often ask me or my interpreter what the sign for such and such is and so forth.

What happens though is actually pretty amusing. I mean, yes, I should be respectful, and I am. But many of their efforts don't always come across quite the way it was meant to be.

My grandmother died a few years ago. I was able to attend her funeral and it was nice to be around family. As I sat down to wait for the service to begin, my younger sister sits down and slowly, with an evil expression, signs, I'M SATAN! Now, that's one being you do not want to have attending a funeral. (She meant to sign PARANOID about her weight.) After the service I was pretty broken up. My mom saw me crying and signed "ITS OK. GRANDMA NOW WITH QUEEN." I didn't even know she was British. (She meant to sign LORD.)

My DBT trainer has worked well with me and sometimes inquires about how to sign certain things. She asked to learn BIRTHDAY. A week later it was my birthday and my trainer wasted no time calling me a HAPPY MOTHERF*****." It was an honest mistake, but one that will last a lifetime in my head.

Finally, I taught a group of ASL students the sign for MORNING. Six out of 8 came back and started signing "F*** off" instead of a gentler "GOOD MORNING." Careful now.

So, learning signs can be fun, silly, and exciting. But beware--if you're not careful, you may end up wishing and calling people every name in the book. And I don't mean the Bible.

Making Lemons Out of Lemonade

Many days I go about things with a bit of a wall around me. I've been known not to think my feelings as true facts. If I'm angry, I should deal with my anger. And if I'm happy, I should try to spread a little happiness. This might surprise you, but when I have negative emotions--usually due to being Deaf or mentally ill---it's very hard for me to deal with them. That's because borderlines have a hard time admitting they're wrong to feel something or feeling invalidated.

But one day, about 18 years ago, I was driving over to a friends' house. We'd made a time to hang out that day, Well, as I was on my way, I noticed a bunch of little kids selling lemonade. At first, I past by it and didn't pay much attention. But then I thought, I'm in a good mood. I want to do something nice for someone else. So, I made a U turn in my manual car and went back  to their front yard. At that time, I didn't realize I had to put the car in gear and roll my tires so they fall toward a curb. I did none  of that. All I knew was that the kids seemed very happy that I came to give them business.

I was able to communicate my want of lemonade, but within a minute, all the kids started screaming and running away. I looked over at  my car only to see it was headed for us. Not only that, but it was also headed straight to the lemonade stand. and totally demolished it.

Noone was hurt, thankfully, but I don't know if I'll ever do a u-turn for a snack every again.

OOPS! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

Oh, to learn a new language! If you’re one of the millions of people who have decided to learn a foreign language, perhaps you’ll consider learning American Sign Language. As you may know, ASL is a totally foreign language from English and it takes just as much time and dedication to become fluent in ASL as any other foreign language, like, say, Japanese.

As people begin to learn a language, there are inevitable mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes can get you in a heap of trouble, too. Almost as much as bluffing, if you aren’t sure what’s been said or how to say what you want to say, guessing can cause chaos…not to mention a pretty bad reputation.

So, as you begin to study ASL, please be aware of some of the signs that can get mixed up in a shuffle. Here are a few of the signs I’ve seen confused with each other:

PILL & SOON

CONDOM & MONTH

ENGINEER & FLIRT

MAKE, MAKE OUT, & COFFEE

RED & THIRSTY

SCHOOL & PAPER

MORE & KISSING

DATE & DESSERT

MOVIE & CHEESE

FAKE & MOUSE

FAMILY & IMPORTANT

VAGINA & TRIANGLE

RECENTLY & SEX

WAIT & FIRE

TEA & VOTE

HAMBURGER & MARRIAGE

LATE & NOT YET

ALL & ARRIVE

SOMEONE & ALWAYS

PEOPLE & VISIT

CHOCOLATE & CHURCH

COMPLAIN & COUGH

IF & COURT

ROCK & WORK

INTEREST & ISLAND

PLAY, SHOW, & SCIENCE

COURT & DECIDE

It’s true that some of the above signs are frequently rearranged. Check them out and see if you are guilty of a mix-up to two.

The Misadventures of Sign Language

THIS IS FOR ALL YOU LATE-DEAFENED ADULTS OUT THERE:

Although there are many things you can leave to chance as a late-deafened adult, one decision is inevitable: Sooner or later you have to choose which communication technique you’re going to use.

Some people think lipreading is the way to go. I, personally tried that route once as a kid and ended up being smacked. It’s amazing how much, “The layers are really fine,” looks like, “That lady is really fat!” After months of classes and studying, I feel it’s safe to say that I cannot lipread. Even now, years later, we have a game where my husband, Kenny, or one of the kids will say something without signing and I have to guess what they’re saying. It provides plenty of comic relief!

Amidst all the communication choices, only one seemed to match my skill level and aptitude, and that was sign language.

I was comfortable with signing. It came naturally to me. I started off with Contact Sign (formerly Pidgin Sign English or PSE) and later switched over to American Sign Language. As an adult, of my three children, only one learned to speak before they learned sign language. Mollie was only three-years-old though, so it came easily to her. My husband? Not so much. But we’ll discuss that later.

Although becoming deaf isn’t funny, if you look close enough, three’s humor in everything. Take my grandmother’s funeral for example. My family never really took the time to learn to sign for me. Anyway, I’m sitting, waiting for the service to begin when my younger sister abruptly sits down next to me, wide-eyed, and slowly signs “I’m Satan!” Well, let me tell you that Satan is one being I do not want at a funeral. She’d actually meant to sign, “I’m paranoid,” referring to her weight, but it was too late. The fear had already set in.

After the eulogy, I was in tears, having lost someone near and dear to my heart. My mother came up to me, embraced me, and then lovingly signed, “It’s OK, Sweetie. Grandma’s with the queen.” Ah! I can see her even now, in the back of a chariot, waving to the crowd in all of her glory.

As I mentioned earlier, it took a little longer for my husband to get out of the habit of improvising or even creating new signs. If it’s just the two of us, I laugh and let it go. But sometimes, well, let’s just say it doesn’t work out.

Picture this; we’re at an important meeting, surrounded by ten other Deaf people, when Kenny decides to chime in. Great, I think. It’ll be nice to see his input into the conversation. So he starts signing and all is going well until he signs (or should I say, means to sign) “That’s perfect! I can make a deposit!” But that’s not what he signed. Oh, no. Not even close. Between his “perfect” being a “P” on his nose (penis) and his “deposit” showing what that “P” does (ejaculate), all I could do was blush and try to keep my eyes on the floor. Everyone else in the room stared at him in disbelief…with a few chuckles to boot. But everyone seemed to have a good sense of humor and it was quickly forgotten as we moved on. I, however, continue to this day to tease him about his imaginative choice of signs.

So, as you can see, sign language is useful, but you’d better beware—there’s always someone watching. Suffice it to say that Kenny’s signing has dramatically improved and he’s very good now. Me? I used sign language to open my own business and to possibly become a Certified Deaf Interpreter.

Will signing make your life easier? Perhaps. Especially if you have friends and family willing to learn, too. Will it solve all of your problems? Nothing can do that. But if you do decide to go the signing route, just be careful to mind your P’s and, uh, bodily functions.