AND WE'RE BAAAACCCCKKKK!

  

In February of 2022, my husband and I decided to open an Etsy Shop catering to the Deaf and Hard of Hearing community. This includes (but is not limited to) Deafies, Hard of Hearing, late-deafened, CODAs, SODAs, ASL Students and ASL Interpreters. We are currently in the process of making Deaf and Sign related crafts to sell. While we accumulate inventory, please visit our shop to see the other pieces we are selling. If you have an account on Etsy, please "FAVORITE" our shop (Deaf Expressions) and we will do the same for you. Keep checking back here for the latest arts and crafts as well as the skinny into the Deaf World. We look forward to "hearing" from you!

www.etsy.com/shop/deafexpressions

INTROVERSION + DEAFNESS = SECLUSION

I lost the remaining of my hearing at the age of 27, and, boy, was it an eye opener! Having already grown up partially deaf, you would think this new condition wouldn’t have hit me so hard. You would be wrong.

In addition to learning how to be aware of my environment and stay hyper vigilante, I also needed to learn how to communicate, both with fellow deafies and hearing people.

I already knew much sign language, but ASL to a hearing/hard of hearing person and ASL to a Deaf person is quite different. But, boy, did I buckle down and study! ASL became my highest priority and it still is, in a way. Now, almost 18 years later, I am able to teach and share my knowledge—and that’s a true blessing. There’s only one problem: I’m a die-hard introvert. Scared to death of people in general. It’s not that I don’t want to socialize and have friends. I DO! But I’m terrified at the idea of interacting with others—especially those I don’t already know.

Oh, you won’t be able to tell from my first impression. I’m a great faker. Other than the fact that I have a hard core, evil, Resting Bitch Face (the face I make when I’m just sitting somewhere, resting), I’m quite personable. It’s the people closest to me who can appreciate my timidity.

So, becoming deaf was hard, yes, but the hardest part wasn’t/isn’t not hearing or even communication (I’m now fluent in sign language). No, the hardest part is lack of friends. The hearing friends I had before deafness all left when I lost my hearing. And trying to make new friends with the discrimination, the fear people feel toward the Deaf in general, on top of being scared of meeting new people—hearing or Deaf—That’s the hardest part. It can get quite lonely. Introversion + Deafness = Not such good results.

For now, I’ll rely on Facebook and the few friends I do have. If you have any other ideas, please comment, I’d love to hear your advice. Just be aware that if you ever see someone and realize they are deaf, they might be struggling with the same things I do. Go up to them. Befriend them. Get to know them. I promise you it will be well worth your time.

The Top Three Colleges For Deaf and Hard of Hearing Students

Gallaudet University, Washington, D.C.

As the only liberal arts college for the deaf in the world, Gallaudet University has graduated more than 19,000 students and is accredited by the Middle States Commission on Higher Education. The university offers a bilingual learning environment featuring American Sign Language and English with programs and services designed specifically to accommodate the deaf and hard of hearing student.

Undergraduate students can choose from a wide range of undergraduate degree programs, including Arts and Media, Business, Human Services, Humanities, Language/Culture, and Science/Math/Technology. Graduate degrees include ASL and Deaf Studies; Counseling; Education; Government and Public Affairs; Hearing, Speech and Language Sciences; History, Philosophy, Religion and Sociology; Interpretation; Linguistics; Psychology, and Social Work.

That’s more than 40 majors leading to Bachelor of Arts or Bachelor of Science degrees. A small number of hearing undergraduate students—up to five percent of an entering class—are also admitted to the University each year. Graduate programs at Gallaudet are open to Deaf, hard of hearing, and hearing students and offer certificates and Master of Arts, Master of Science, doctoral, and specialist degrees in a variety of fields involving professional service to Deaf and hard of hearing people.

Close to 2,000 students are enrolled at Gallaudet, which boasts a robust campus life including a campus ministry and full athletic program. According to a recent alumni study, more than 98 percent of those who graduated December 2010 and August 2011 are employed; 99 percent of graduate students are employed or furthering their education.

Gallaudet was granted university status in October 1986. Two years later, in March 1988, the Deaf President Now (DPN) movement led to the appointment of the University's first Deaf president, Dr. I. King Jordan and the Board of Trustees' first Deaf chair, Philip Bravin. 

 Through the University Career center, students receive internships that provide a wealth of experiential learning opportunities. Recent internships were offered at Merrill Lynch, National Aeronautics and Space Administration, National Institutes of Health, and the World Bank. Students also benefit from an array of services provided by such campus units as the Burstein Leadership Institute, Language Planning Institute, Hearing and Speech Center, Cochlear Implant Education Center, and the Center for International Programs and Services.

Today, Gallaudet is viewed by Deaf and hearing people as a primary resource for all things related to Deaf people such as career opportunities, visual learning, Deaf history and culture and  American Sign Language.

 National Technical Institute for the Deaf, Rochester, New York (NTID)

One of nine colleges of Rochester Institute of Technology. Of the more than 15,000 undergraduate students from around the world on campus, 1,200 are deaf or hard of hearing. The institute is the first and largest of its kind for deaf and hard of hearing students. Instructors use a variety of communication methods including ASL, spoken language, finger spelling, printed and visual aids, and online resources. FM systems are also available along with tutoring, note-taking, real-time captioning services and interpreting staff.

The National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID) was formally established in 1965 and began operation in 1967 at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) with first students in 1968.The college is in Rochester, N.Y..  RIT was founded in 1829. The National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID) is one of the nine colleges of Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT), a leading career-oriented, technological university recognized by U.S. News & World Report as one of America's "Best College Values," and by The Princeton Review as one of the top 20 colleges nationwide for "Best Career Services." More than 15,000 undergraduate students from around the world, including more than 1,200 who are Deaf or hard of hearing are enrolled at RIT/NTID.

NTID prepares professionals to work in fields related to Deafness; undertakes a program of applied research designed to enhance the social, economic and educational accommodation of Deaf people; and shares its knowledge and expertise through outreach and other information dissemination programs.

The ACT score requirements are 24-31. Deaf and hard-of-hearing students at RIT/NTID receive private university education at a public college price.

 The Southwest Collegiate Institute for the Deaf (SWCID), Big Spring, Texas

SWCID is a state-supported college operating within the Howard County Junior College District, which offers associate degree and certification programs. American Sign Language is primary communication used in instruction. SWCID students are also able to participate in athletics, student organizations, class internships and other residential activities on the Howard College campus.

SWCID was the idea of a parent of a Deaf student in elementary school Mr. Fred Maddux, who wanted a vocational training program for his son. Mr. Maddux presented the idea to Dr. Burke, the Regional Superintendent for the West Texas Panhandle-Regional Day School programs for the Deaf in Texas. They contacted Big Spring, Texas leaders to see if they would communicate with Congressman Charles Stenholm about the need for a college for the Deaf at recently-closed Webb Air Force Base facilities. Congressman Charles Stenholm, Dr. Burke, Mr. Maddux and several other Big Spring officials met. Following the meeting, Congressman Stenholm was in full agreement of using the Webb Air Force base facilities as a college for the Deaf.  Howard College agreed to sponsor SouthWest Collegiate Institute for the Deaf in May of 1979 under the leadership of President Charles Hays, and on November 6, 1979, the Howard County Junior College District Board of Trustees officially established the SouthWest Collegiate Institute for the Deaf.

Five Tips To Make Lipreading Easier

I’m deaf. It’s true. I’m stone deaf and sign language is my main mode of communicating. Of course, it can’t be only mode though. There are too many people out there who don’t know sign language to expect to be able to get around in the world only using that method. No. Another way I communicate is via the written word. If I’m lucky enough to encounter a hearing person with patience, writing back and forth is a really good way to go.

But that doesn’t happen all the time. I wouldn’t say it’s rare, but it certainly doesn’t happen often. Usually, people are in too much of a hurry to put their stuff down and write to me. What tends to happen, regardless of if I announce I can’t lipread, is people discover I’m deaf and then they tend to just speed off with their mouths, expecting me to lipread them with ease.

Truth is, I’m more than willing to try to lipread people. But they have to put forth some effort as well. That brings me to these five ways to make lipreading easier for the lipreader…

Tip #1: Beware of facial hair.

As anyone who has ever tried to lipread can attest, pseudo-Santas and other men with Frito catchers around their mouth can prove a great challenge. If you’re a man with a mustache (or a woman, for that matter), please make sure it is trimmed around the lips. It can be downright impossible to lipread someone with hair all over the place.

Tip #2: Don’t stand in front of a window or light.

One of the biggest problems I run into is trying to read the face of someone standing in front of a window or light. This puts a shadow on their face and makes it nearly impossible to tell what they’re saying. While we’re talking about it, don’t stand in front of a window or light even when you’re signing. The shadow makes it impossible to even see facial expressions—something crucial in a signed conversation.

Tip #3: Watch your hands.

Something many people don’t realize is how much they use their hands when they talk. It’s true! You have no idea how often I’ll look over and think two people are signing to each other until I realize it’s just hearing people using their hands. It might not be practical to tell you not to use your hands at all (in fact, sometimes it really does help give clues to what’s being said), but mind yourself when you go to put your hands to your mouth. This happens a lot. We cannot lipread you if your hands are on your lips.

Tip #4: Speak naturally and at a SLIGHTLY slower pace. Do not over-enunciate.

I am a lot of things. But one thing I am not is a dentist. I do not need to see your fillings and cavities, One thing a lot of people do when they find out I’m deaf is start to over-enunciate, saying each word overly clearly and with big lip movements. It’s scary! It’s true that speaking a little slower, a little more clearly, may help. But not so much that it changes the look of the words. Speak clearly, but at a normal rate. And, for Pete’s sake, keep your dental work to yourself!

Tip #5: Don’t chew gum or talk with your mouth full.

Finally, there’s one thing you would think wouldn’t need to be included on this list, but sadly does. Please do not talk with your mouth full of food…even stuffing it to the side. It’s downright nasty! It’s difficult enough to try to decipher what you’re saying. But when you add gobs of mushy egg salad to the mix, it’s gross! Even chewing gum while you speak can make it impossible to know what you’re saying. So swallow before speaking, please.

So, there you have it. Lipreading is not an easy skill to acquire. Only 35% of what is said can be lipread by even the best of lipreaders – 65% is guesswork. But you can make it a bit easier on the deaf or hard of hearing person by following these five tips. Put them to use if the deaf person says he or she can lipread. But if they tell you they can’t, even these five tips might not work. Written communication may be best. Good luck!

ASK THE KIDS....AGAIN

It wasn’t very long ago that I asked my kids some questions about having a deafie for a mom. But it’s been long enough that I thought I should ask again. Here’s the information they shared with me:

1. Are you ever embarrassed that your mom is Deaf?

NATALIE: No. I don’t see why anyone would be. I find it a good opportunity and a cool experience (Isn’t she the greatest?)

JACOB: No.

MOLLIE: No. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. (I’m so happy they feel this way!)

2. Have you ever had a time when having a Deaf mom helped you?

NATALIE: It helped to know who is who at Silent Celebration. (Silent Celebration is a big Deaf/HOH get together each summer with dozens of deafies, lots of conversation and games.)

JACOB: Yes. My ASL Class. My mom helped me with ASL grammar, new signs, and doing a song for my end-of-class project (Which he was great at).

MOLLIE: I have met and talked to many deaf people and helped with sign language. It also helped in getting a job.

3. What do your friends say when they meet your deaf mom? Are they intimidated?

NATALIE: At first, they’re scared and nervous, but they think it’s really cool and eventually it doesn’t phase them.

JACOB: Not to my knowledge, but I’m not in their head. Most of them don’t have a problem as long as I am there to interpret.

MOLLIE: Everyone is intimidated by coming into contact with something they don’t know…someone from a different way of life. But, after a while, they like you and get used to it.

4. Name a time knowing sign language helped you.

NATALIE: When I’m able to communicate with people like you, the family and deaf and hard of hearing people.

JACOB: It helped me communicate with other deaf people at Silent Celebration (See above for an explanation of what that is).

MOLLIE: When I come into contact with Deaf people who need help, I can voice for them or sign with them.

5. Do you consider yourself bilingual?

NATALIE: Yes, because I learned ASL before I learned to speak.

JACOB: Yes, because ASL is now being recognized as a real language.

MOLLIE: Yes.

6. How will you use your sign language skills in the future or with your future career?

NATALIE: I want to be a therapist and id a parent or kid is deaf, I can help them.

JACOB: To communicate with other people.

MOLLIE: In art, it helps to have knowledge of different cultures to draw from. It’s inspiring.

7. What would you say to kids who have a deaf relative and are embarrassed?

NATALIE: It’s a good experience and in this society with friends, they’ll find it really cool. Embrace it with an open mind. You shouldn’t disown them for things they can’t help. Be proud.

JACOB: Don’t be. They’re just like you and me. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

MOLLIE: Why be embarrassed. That’s stupid. (LOL Her words,,,not mine.)

8. Have you ever used ASL in class when the teacher wasn’t looking?

NATALIE: Yes. In math class I taught my friend, Anna, a few words and the ABCs. We could spell to each other across the room. We talked in History class all the time.

JACOB: I’ve shown my friends signs, but I don’t use them in class.

MOLLIE: Nope. (She’s just being difficult.)

So, as you can see, being a Deaf mom doesn’t necessarily have to have reprocutions for the kids. Just help them keep an open mind and embrace your language and culture and all will be OK.

You Mean You Took ASL I and You're Not An Interpreter Yet?!?!

Ain't life grand? You often said you wanted to learn American Sign Language. "It's so beautiful," you'd always exclaimed. And it is (if you know what you're doing). So, after years of watching "Signing Time" and thumbing through "The Joy of Signing" while you have a free moment on the toilet, you're finally convinced to visit your area's community college and enroll in ASL I. You leave the college beaming--exuding excitement all over the place. (If you exude at my house, I'll expect you to clean it up. I'm just saying...)

Class starts: Depending on which college's ASL class you attend, you learn ABCs, numbering, vocabulary, a few phrases, grammar, and a little about the Deaf culture and communication. You recognize that you're definitely not the best in the class,, but onward you trudge.

The teacher gives the class a mandatory assignment that you have to go to a Deaf event and sign (no talking, please) with some deafies. You do, in fact, go to one at the neighborhood mall. Your teacher introduces you to some very kind, patient and understanding Deaf people, but mostly you find solace with some of the other members of your class.

Finally, you finish! Class is over! Your teacher compliments your hard work and off you go into the world of wonders.  You're bilingual now, right? I mean, you learned a lot. And it wasn't easy! Man, you can fingerspell both your first and your last name! What else could there be? It's not like you want to interpret for the President. You just want to be able to sing songs in sign (how did you like that for alliteration) and chat with the (gulp) "hearing impaired." What more could you possibly need?

But life goes on. And although you continue to work on your fingerspelling and some signs, you seem to fall into a funk and resort back to that sinfully annoying woman on "Signing Time."

Six months after you completed ASL I, you happen to see a table of people in an elegant restaurant, signing to each other. You stare--Trying to figure out if you can understand them. Nope--Not really. You go back to eating, wishing so much you could communicate with them.

Heck with it! You get up and walk over to their table. They see you, so they stop signing and turn to you. "HI, I'M...," you get five out of the twelve letters of your name wrong, but you don't notice. The group at the table looks at each other, confused. One deaf man signs something you understand: DEAF.

"DEAF YOU?" He asks in ASL.

"NO," you sign. "I NOSY." The group breaks outs into guffaws and giggles. What you don't realize is that, though you intended to reply, "NO, I'M HEARING," your hand actually was too high and, well, maybe NOSY was the more appropriate sign anyway.

Later, an elderly woman from the deaf table's group wanders over to let you know (by way of a napkin note) to keep studying and that it will get easier eventually.

And it does get "easier." Well, maybe not. I guess I would rather say you become more proficient the longer you study it. Seriously study it. And what every knowledgeable teacher would tell you, the more time you spend signing with deaf and hard of hearing people (NOT just signing friends from school), the smoother and more fluid your words and presentation will become.

To be totally honest, I gotta tell ya, taking one ASL class, expecting to be skilled enough to engage in even moderate conversation in sign (especially with a native Deaf person), is insane. But the next time you become upset with your signing, thinking you should be learning faster, imagine that it's German you're learning. Would you be so hard on yourself then? Well, a foreign language is a foreign language. American Sign Language is just as complex as any other. Give it time.

So here's what you do: Give yourself a pat on the back for all you've already accomplished, sign up for ASL II, go to Deaf events as much as you can, and, sooner or later, you'll fulfill your wish of hangin' with the crew. Now, go study!

I Have Rights!

I have rights. Just like everyone else, I have the right to leave my house without being scared. Yet I am – scared, I mean. I’m not afraid of getting killed or mugged. I’m not afraid of being put in jail or being in an accident. So, what am I so afraid of? Communicating with other people.

Silly, huh? Of all things to be frightened of, the one thing that terrorizes me is the chance that another person will try to talk to me. Or that I will need to talk to someone else.

Why? Because I dread the moment when I have to let them know I’m deaf. It’s the reactions I get that bother me the most. That and the fact that, when I let them know, I feel like I’m confessing to some unfathomable crime I committed or something. Like I did something wrong.

The reactions are always the same. Some people become bug-eyed and high-tail it away from me. Some say they’re sorry, as if they’ve caused it. And some even laugh it off and keep talking – even when I explain that I can’t lipread. When I ask if they can write down what they’re saying, some people just wave me off. Of course, we also can’t forget the ones who become angry and irritated – like I did something personal to them and they haven’t got the time to mess around with me.

Sure, there are many deaf people who can shrug it off or who have gotten so used to it that they don’t even notice. But that’s not me. I care. I notice. And it scares me. It intimidates me. It makes me want to stay in my house – locked behind a hard, wooden door – separating me from the cruel, cold world.

But is it really the world that is holding me back? Can I make myself so invisible that I can’t be hurt by the reactions I get from total strangers? I have the right to be treated well, but can I really control what other people say or do? I don’t think so. I mean, I may get hurt emotionally when I go out, but that shouldn’t stop me. I can’t control other people. And if they are so ignorant that they run for the hills or babble on even though I tell them I can’t understand them, that shouldn’t be my problem. In my head, it is, but it shouldn’t be.

I shouldn’t let my fears win. If I want to go out to eat or browse around the bookstore or serve on the PTO board at my kids’ school, then that’s exactly what I should do!

I have rights! Believing that and pushing myself to go forward may scare the heck out of me, but it shouldn’t stop me. And I don’t want to let it. So, I’ll fight. I’ll force myself to go out – to shrug off people’s reactions until one day I can be like the other deafies who don’t let it scare them. It might take a lot of time – years. But that’s my goal. Who wants to live in fear anyway? Certainly not me. So, look out world; I’m going to conquer my fears one way or another. One day, I’m going to leave my house and not think twice about my fear of communication. I know it. I have to believe it! One day…..

Coincidences are Underrated--that's for sure!

Who says coincidences are overrated? I must strongly disagree. I know I’ve been shocked by things often, but there’s one time that comes to mind that shows that life can throw unexpected joys at you when you least expect it.

I had just become totally deaf in both ears and I felt very alone. Not having found my identity yet in the deaf community, I called the contact person for the Association of Late Deafened Adults and asked about information. They didn’t really have anything for me. I wasn’t interested in lipreading (I am totally deaf—not just profoundly deaf—and a bad guesser from the start) and they didn’t really focus on Sign Language, which I chose as my main method of communication. But, although I found the organization more for older people who lose their hearing through age, they did ask if I wanted the contact information of someone in my area who was also “late deafened.”

I was shocked! I lived in town where the population was 200 and that included all the cows and dogs. But there was someone else experiencing what I was experiencing in my area? Wow! So, of course I took the information and then I TTYed them right up. (This was a long time ago—long before video relays and such).

When I finally was able to talk with Bob, I liked him right away. He had a great sense of humor and, like mine, tended to be sarcastic to the hilt. Kenny (my husband) and I met with him and his wife that very week. For a few months, we got to know each other well and it was so nice to have someone whom I could confide in.

Then one evening, it happened. Kenny had gone off to use the restroom and I was showing them my photo album. I had been into scrapbooking for some time and was showing off a little.

As we sat and thumbed through the pictures, Bob got a confused look on his face. He turned to his wife and asked, “Does that look like Thelma? Why is Thelma Laflen in your scrapbook?” I replied, “Thelma Laflen is my grandmother.” He looked at me and very excitedly said, “Thelma Laflen is my aunt!”

Huge laughs and total astonishment, we quickly figured out that that meant we were second cousins! In fact, he said he had even met my parents at a family reunion a few years prior! How amazing! We hugged and explained it all very excitedly when Kenny came back in the room. We were family! How wonderful! Two people who had never met, hadn’t known anything about each other’s existence were actually cousins! And both deaf at that!

So don’t tell me coincidences are overrated. I strongly disagree. Coincidences can be life-changing just like the one I had. Our family had grown. We were related and instant fans of each other.

Bob died of a heart attack a couple of years ago. We were close, but circumstances had lead us to not see each other as often as we would have liked. Don’t get me wrong. I miss him. I will always miss him. But I know that he and my grandmother are up there in heaven celebrating. I’m also certain they watched down on me as I went through finding my identity in the Deaf world. Thanks, Bob. I appreciate it.

Service Dogs Are Awesome!

If you check out the following link, you'll find that a war veteran was kicked out of a Taco Bell because he had a service dog. He had the dog for his PTSD, but the worker at Taco Bell said that he wasn't blind, so he didn't need a dog. Here's the link:

http://www.abc57.com/story/27872883/army-veteran-kicked-out-of-taco-bell#.VLvv8DmBDvB.facebook

Service dogs have been around for quite some time, but people are still having to fight to be allowed public accommodations for them. People only think of seeing eye dogs, but there's service dogs for many, many conditions from physical to emotional. Not least of which is hearing ear dogs.

Service dogs for the deaf and hard of hearing are extremely helpful and can be made to let you know if the doorbell or phone is ringing, fire alarm blaring, someone knocking on your door, get your attention for another person, medical emergencies, and many, many more jobs that they do so very well.

I wish I had a service dog. There's a place nearby here called Paws For A Cause that trains service dogs and helps you find a match. I haven't applied, simply because I can't afford it right now and don't really have the time, but for people just starting out deaf (late-deafened adults) or born deaf-alike these wonderful pups can really make a difference in your life.

The next time you see a service dog in public, try to remember the article above and remind yourself that one neednt be blind or even deaf to have some use of one. Support service dogs!!

Sympathy? What's That?

I don’t write in my blog enough. I use to, but my depression got the best of me and then I just ended up stopping. Couldn’t think of anything funny to write about. However, even when I’ve got a world of writer’s block in me, people still seem to find my blog and read it. I’m so, so happy about that.

I get people asking all sorts of things, like where an ASL class might be located or if a certain situation really did happen. Some want me to read books and give reviews about them (I’m not so good at that since I really only read non-fiction and most of the books they want me to read are fiction). But sometimes I do get requests to be interviewed. 

In fact, last week I received an email from a teenaged girl who “found” my blog and wanted to know if I would answer some questions to help her with a project at school. Sure! Of course I said yes. Always happy to help where I can. But, unfortunately, I couldn’t be of much help to her. See, her project was to compare the kind of sympathy for the blind with the kind of sympathy for the deaf.

The problem I ran into was that deaf people don’t really get sympathy. Rolled eyes, we get. Frustration. Angry communicators. We get all that. But very, very few people actually feel sorry for us. It’s more of a nuisance to them.

“Hi! I was just wondering if you could come speak with my class about deafness.”

“I’m sorry, what? Can you write that down? I’m deaf and cannot lipread. I need you to write for me.”

“Nevermind. I’ll ask someone else.”

Good luck with that! If you’re looking for a deaf person, you better be ready to write at least some of your conversation. Or repeat it slowly three times. (This, of course, does not include those who lipread like a pro.) Fact is, communicating with a deafie can be difficult. Not always, but often. And people don’t like that. In fact, they hate that! The thing is, deaf people don’t look deaf. You can’t decipher a deaf person from a hearing person just upon looking. So it’s a shock or a surprise or a grenade thrown right in their faces if they find you can’t handle small talk. No thanks. I’m not up to that much trouble. I’ll just move on over to this other person.

And it hurts sometimes. They leave. Sometimes they just turn and walk away without any acknowledgement. Ouch.

The blind, on the other hand, are visible. People can and do sympathize with someone who can’t see this beautiful world. Let me help you across the street. Would you like me to read that to you? What do you need? I can help!

Now, I’m not blind and, in fact, I only know a few blind people, so forgive my ignorance if I’m wrong. But they do get sympathy. I see it all the time. It’s that inevitable question:

If you could be blind or deaf which would you choose? And everyone chooses deaf. Why, “Because it would be easier. At least I can drive (you do drive, don’t you?) and I would have to learn Braille. If I were deaf, I could just learn sign language and everything would be normal otherwise.”

Ha! What’s “normal?” And as a matter of fact, if you learned sign language, who exactly would you be signing to? Are all of your family members and friends going to learn it, too? Will the world be able to cater to you if you know ASL? Dude, you have no idea what you would be getting yourself into.

Anyway, back to the question the teenager asked me (remember her from above?). Compare the two, sympathy-wise. I can’t. They’re two totally separate entities, each with unique and diverse experiences. I’d like to say that no two experiences are alike, but that’s not true. That’s what makes this blog helpful. Other deafies can read it and say, “I’ve been there.” Hearing people can read it and be baffled at how ludicrous the situations are.  Blind or deaf? Who gets more sympathy? There’s no comparison because there’s very little sympathy for the deaf population (though it’s not unfounded in some circumstances).

As for me, I don’t want anyone’s sympathy for my deafness. I am part of a great community of people who have a rich and diverse culture. I’m Deaf. I sign. It’s how I communication. Now, do I miss sound at any time? Hell, yeah! I’d do anything to hear music again or listen to my kids’ voices (of which I’ve never heard). But I don’t need people looking at me like I’m some fragile person who needs to be saved.

I never heard back from the girl after I explained the situation of deaf versus blind. Don’t know if she went to another source to try to find an answer she liked better or if what I gave was sufficient and she needn’t contact me again. That’s OK though. I don’t expect an answer. I do wonder if it surprised her. I wonder if this surprises you. Did you already know or is this news to you? 

Hearing Loss and Depression May Be Linked? You Don't Say!

According to new research, hearing loss is associated with depression among American adults, especially woman and those younger than 70. No! You mean if someone starts to lose their hearing they may become depressed? Who woulda thunk?

I can remember the first few months when my hearing loss went from still using the phone to no hearing whatsoever. Boy, was it stressful! My family hadn't quite make the connection, I couldn't read lips (still can't), I had a newborn baby (and two other young children as well) I couldn't hear, and I couldn't even communicate with my husband. It was horrible! To top it off, I have clinical depression already, so I was a mess.

Because I have depression, I already isolated myself, so when I became deaf I had to make sure to seek outside resources. I called an organization and asked if they had any ASL classes for deaf people who already know sign language, but want to work on their ASL grammar. I figured it would be hard to find, but, lo and behold, they had an upcoming class! I remember going to one (after I'd been going for a while) and just totally breaking down. My 3-year-old had been trying to communicate with me and I couldn't understand her. It was heartbreaking and everyone there understood.

I made it a point to start teaching all three kids ASL (now they're all almost fluent) and my husband and I practiced constantly. It was a very tough few months, but I was lucky to have the support. Imagine if you had none! All of a sudden you couldn't use the phone, hear your kids talk or babies cry, have small talk with people when you left the house, watch the TV, or any number of things. How would you handle it? (Just as a side, deaf people can do all of those things, but newly deafened people rarely know about how to go about it.)

To make new research even more absurd, it stated that the depression was most pronounced in ages 18 - 69 and mostly in women. 18 - 69?? That just about covers everyone, Seems like a big age group to me. I don't believe that it's more in woman other than 1. women tend to seek help more often than men, and 2. women, in general, have depression more than men.

If you are newly deafened, by all means get out there! Find a buddy and vent. But mainly, if you have a hearing loss, you need to go to an audiologist or otolaryngogist (otherwise known as an ENT) to be diagnosed properly.

You don't need to be fully deaf to grieve for the loss of your hearing. Losing it in any range can be devastating. Whether you lose it in increments or all at once, the loss can feel more than one can bear. Please know you're not alone. There are others like you out there. Depression isn't something to ignore. And, by all means, if the depression gets so bad you start to contemplate suicide, please go to an ER and tell them how you're feeling.

So, depression and hearing loss linked? Wow! There's a revelation. But don't minimize the pain. It can hurt like hell and it's not all on you. Heck, if you need a friend, leave a comment here and I'd be happy to chat with you. You're NOT alone.

Deaf Awareness Week is September 22-26, 2014

From SigningSavvy.com

Deaf Awareness Week this year is September 22-26, 2014. Deaf Awareness Week, also called International Week of the Deaf (IWD), is celebrated annually and ends with International Day of the Deaf. Deaf Awareness Week is celebrated by national and regional associations of the deaf, local communities, and individuals worldwide.

The purpose of Deaf Awareness Week is to increase public awareness of deaf issues, people, and culture.  Activities and events throughout Deaf Awareness Week encourage individuals to come together as a community for both educational events and celebrations. 

Smile -- There Are Deaf People Nearby

"Smile!" The photographer yells just as he's going to take the shot.

"Smile," your mother says. "You look so miserable!"

"Oh, no! Here comes Ashley. Just smile and nod."

There are several different kinds of smiles and a hundred more reasons to smile. But are they real? I mean are you genuinely happy and do the sides of your mouth naturally turn up when you feel that way?

Nowadays, one can't know whether the person you're next to is actually honestly smiling or if they're faking it (or if they're constipated). And if you're "different" than the immediate crowd maybe the question shouldn't be, "Wow! I wonder what fantastic thing she's smiling about," but rather, "Why is she smiling so hard at me?" It's true!

When I walk into a place with people around, as soon as I start signing and people realize I'm deaf, they start to smile at me as they pass by. That wouldn't be such a big deal if they knew me or were just smiling naturally, but no! The people start to metamorphosis into plastics--mannequins--with, "Please don't talk to me," glaring from their eyes. It's frightening!

I guess I should be used to it after all this time, but it scares me! And this makes me have the same eyes glaring back, echoing, "Please don't talk to me!" In fact, if it's a bunch of people in the same vicinity, I might fart or something to get those terrifying faces to leave. (That DOES work, by the way.)

So here's some advice--
if you're around people, deaf or otherwise, who make you feel awkward, try not to fell obligated to smile. If you make eye contact, give them a small polite smile and then leave them alone. That's what I would prefer. Or maybe just ignore us all together. Now, if you are a skilled signer,that's different. Then by all means, approach me!

Smiles are there to help people express pleasure or happiness. Don't feel the need to do it just because you're nervous. Wait a few minutes and maybe something will happen to give you a genuine reason to smile.

Moldy Bread

Muhammad Ali once said, "If God can make penicillin out of moldy bread, he can sure make something out of me." And for me that stands true. Seems like every year or so, God sends down a true challenge for me to handle either alone or with the help of family and friends.

All three of my pregnancies brought preeclampsia. The second one brought HELLP syndrome and almost took my life. The last one took the hearing I had left and dumped it by the wayside. Permanently. True, you would think it wouldn't be a big deal since I was already hard of hearing, but what it did tore my life apart and produced the second greatest challenge of my life.

All of sudden I couldn't communicate, converse with family and friends in small talk, talk on the phone, hear my babies cry, work in customer service and so many other aspects of my life gone, gone, gone. At least that's how I felt at the time. I even had frequent moments where I begged God to kill me, Just seemed like too much to bear.

But that was then.

For a while, it was hell. I simply didn't know what to do. But God was watching. I learned of the technology available for using the phone, hearing my baby cry from the other room, and other wonderful things. I used my sign language and I met more deaf people and suddenly life didn't seem as hopeless. Now, all three kids are proud CODAs in high school; my husband uses his sign skills and Deaf Culture knowledge at work; and I accept myself as totally deaf.

So, if something major happens in your life and it feels devastating, you can always remember that, with time, God will use that challenge as something to change you for the better. Moldy bread? Bring it on!

Fitting In At A Deaf Convention

I was so excited! Someone I had met out in the Deaf community mentioned a convention coming up for people who'd lost their hearing (or what was left of it) after age 18. I was thrilled! Deaf people I could sign with who remembered what things sounded like more than two decades ago. I could mingle with soon-to-be-friends and learn about how others similar to me crossed over to the Deaf culture to a degree. Yea!

Kenny (my hubby) was excited, too. We were sure some of the Deaf would bring hearing family and Kenny would be able to discuss his feelings, thoughts, and experiences with people who knew how he felt. I mean I've always been deaf to a degree, but total silence kind of snuck up on us and it was a way of life that took some major getting used to. So, it was an adventure for both of us.

However, what we envisioned was not quite what happened.

When we walked into the main room from the registration table (where Kenny had to interpret because the people there used only voice), the room was filled to the rim with people wearing CIs, all talking without signs, and lots of booths set up--all about technology that could "make you hear again."

The lectures, which waved a flag stating they were fully accessible, were only captioned (poorly) on a screen at the side of the room. And interpreter for us American Sign Language users? Nope. Apparently most late-deafened adults (as they called themselves) don't use sign language. But I was still thrilled to meet fellow signers and people from such places as Gallaudet University.

To top it all off, the last night of the convention, they had a huge karaoke party where music blasted and all were given a balloon to enjoy the beat. But see I'm totally stone deaf and didn't feel comfortable at that party. Still, I tried to enjoy what aspects of the convention I could be a part of. I even went to more than one thinking maybe the next one would relate more to me. Unfortunately, no. However, I did make a handful of new friends for which I am grateful.

Now, I don't want to seem hateful or judgmental. There were things here and there I enjoyed that didn't so much require ASL or Cultural norms and there were lots of hugs and lots of accepting each other -- no matter how you communicated. But I just don't think I'll go again unless they come to Grand Rapids, MI.

After a while, it all caused me think about my way of going about being the stone deaf person I am. For one thing, I do consider myself bi-bi (bilingual -- ASL and English, and bicultural). Most LDAs do not. I admit I did try a CI a long time ago and it was a total flop. They had to take it out later for a medical reason, so that's done. I'm happy being Deaf, too, but sometimes when I miss my show tunes, it does get me down.

I use sign to communicate. I have the world's worst lipreading skills I've ever known about and I do not like the sound of my voice -- though admittedly I do use it at appointments to make it easier on my interpreter. I like to use big words and so it's easier to make sure exactly what I want to say gets said.

The only big problem I have is I have some mental disorders that prevent me from socializing for the most part. So I haven't made it to many Deaf events and that makes me sad. I do try though. I WANT to go, so I'm working on it.

Long story short, the deaf community is truly diverse. You have to find where you fit in and go from there. You should be comfortable the way you are -- no matter how different that makes you. I'm working towards that myself.

Goodbye to A Helpful Interpreter

Have you ever noticed how, sooner or later, everybody leaves? I'm serious. Sometimes I feel as if I have a swinging door in my life. For me, I'm talking about professionals--not family. I'm very grateful for that!

I can't even tell you how many therapists I've gone through. Just when we begin to dig into the dirt, they retire...or move out to Timbuktu. It kills me every time. But one set of professionals leave the most frequently--and that's interpreters.

I have to go to my community mental health clinic up to four days a week. Sometimes I see my psychiatrist on Tuesdays, my case manager on Wednesdays, get my bi-weekly injection on Thursdays, and see my therapist on Fridays. Whew! And mental health services depend on confidentiality, so, much to my appreciation, they do their very best to have the same interpreter for all of my visits. And, at least the same interpreter for all of my therapy sessions, so not everyone knows how crazy I am. ..except the 'terp scheduled and the therapist.

But, unfortunately, just when I'm used to seeing the same 'terp week after week, they always seem to find a more steady assignment and leave me. Then a new interpreter comes in and it takes them a little while to get used to the problems I talk about. And they are very shocking, I assure you!

Recently, very recently, I lost another interpreter's devotion. She found herself an assignment that proved more steady and dependable. One day I was in therapy and my therapist ended the session with, "We have something we need to discuss." That's never good. I replied, "Just as long as you don't say you're leaving." I meant the therapist and I was speaking from my heart.

"No, I'm not leaving," was his retort.

"I am," my interpreter chimed in. After a few seconds of confusion I realized I was losing one of my closest interpreters I've ever relied on. It was devastating and I began to cry.

"Why do they always leave me?" I asked. But I knew it was the right thing for her to do. And, after coming down from that devastation, I am very happy for her. But it is rough. Luckily, I have other interpreters with experience with my craziness that I can use and I like them a lot. I'm sure, with time, the trust will be there just as equally as it was with my former 'terp.

But I'll miss my previous interpreter and I'll always appreciate her loyalty to my "cause." Good luck to you and may everything in your life go smoothly from here on out. That includes getting all three cats to use the toilet all the time. (smile)

For me, it's onward and upward. Let's see who next I can suck into my sick world. Don't worry. I'll go easy on them. Maybe.

Signing Systems

There are several different kinds of sign languages used in the United States (in the world, too, for that matter). Let’s now go over the different systems so that you have a better idea of what they are.

AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE (ASL, also termed AMESLAN by the late Lou Fant) uses signs, gestures, specific facial expressions, non-manual movements, and the like to express feelings, ideas, and concepts visually. It uses no voice, but does have facial grammar (non-manual markers, mouth morphemes).  It uses a completely different grammar system and sentence structure as that of spoken English. The rules of grammar, which will be discussed in a different section of this site, are clear and developed.

SEEING ESSENTIAL ENGLISH (SEE 1) and SIGNED EXACT ENGLISH (SEE II) -- The ideas behind these systems is that Deaf children will learn English better if they are exposed, visually through signs, to the grammatical features of English. The base signs are borrowed from ASL, but the various inflections are not used. A lot of initialization is used. Additionally, a lot of “grammatical markers” for numbers, person, tense, etc., are added, and strict English word order is used. Every prefix, suffix, article, conjunction, auxiliary verb, etc., is signed. Also, English homophones are represented by identical signs (i.e. the same sign is used for the noun fish and the verb fish, which have different ASL signs). The difference between the two is minor--the principle one being that in SEE II, ASL signs for compound words (like butterfly) are used, where the two signs representing the separate English words are used in SEE I (To sign “butterfly,” you would sign BUTTER and FLY, which gives a bizarre visual to the deaf child!).

LINGUISTICS OF VISUAL ENGLISH -- (L.O.V.E.)  Developed by Dennis Wampler. It has similarities to SEE II and Signed English. It is a signing system rather than language on its own. Therefore some people claim that exposure to L.O.V.E. does not provide children with the complete linguistic access that is needed to internalize whole language.

SIGNED ENGLISH -  Developed by Harry Bornstein. Similar to SEE I and SEE II, but a little simpler. It uses English word order, but fewer grammatical markers than the SEE systems--it has fourteen, based on Brown’s fourteen grammatical morphemes (e.g., plural /s/, possessive /s/, /ed/, /ly/, /er/, and so on).

The problem with the English-based systems above are that they are very slow. They are easier to learn for hearing people than ASL, but they are slower to use, because, on average, signs take twice as long as words to produce.  So the average proposition takes twice as long to express. Also, you have to be grammatically very self-aware to use them. The research shows that most parents and many teachers who are trying to use these systems, end up leaving out many of the grammatical markers and that many children exposed to them end up modifying them to more ASL-like forms.

CONTACT SIGN (Formerly called PIDGIN SIGN ENGLISH or PSE) - Ranges on a continuum, from being more “Englishy” to being more like ASL. It is what happens when adults try to learn ASL, in many situations. It is ASL and some of its grammar (how much English versus how much ASL varies from signer to signer) in English word order. Children exposed to CSL will often produce grammatically perfect ASL.

AMELISH -- Term coined by Bernard Bragg. Uses lots of ASL and fingerspelling in English word order.

CONCEPTUALLY ACCURATE SIGNED ENGLISH --  (C.A.S.E.) A signing system rather than a language on its own.  Similar to “Englishy” PSE / Contact Sign.

MANUALLY CODED ENGLISH -- (M.C.E.) Not a particular method, but a general description of all the systems that attempt to reflect English grammar, etc., on the hands.

ROCHESTER METHOD -- Every word is fingerspelled except "AND."

New Restaurant in Toronto Caters to the Deaf and Signing Community

http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/signs-canadian-deaf-restaurant/story?id=24468389

Did you hear? Well, maybe not hear, but did you know that there is a new restaurant called
Signs" that caters to the Deaf and Signing Community? Check out the above link or read a little about this new wonderful thing!

Also visit their page on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SignsRestaurant?fref=photo

The dining scene in Toronto is turning the tables on hearing clientele with Signs, a deaf restaurant and bar that encourages communication solely by sign language. The first of its kind in Canada, customers are asked to order their meals by signing and the restaurant will be mostly staffed by deaf servers.

Not fluent in sign language? No problem. Customers will be given a cheat book of sorts that will contain the most popular phrases used in restaurants and instructions on how to sign the various menu options.

The restaurant is the brainchild of owner Anjan Manikumar, who began learning American Sign Language (ASL) when working as a manager at a Boston Pizza in Markham.

“I had a deaf customer that would come around a lot,” Manikumar told ABC News. “He wasn’t getting the service he deserved.”

After attempts to communicate with a deaf regular customer consistently resorted to a series of pointing and nodding, Manikumar decided to learn to sign.

When People Come A-Knockin'

When summer's over and school is back in session (which is coming up very soon), it seems that's when most people start walking up to my door and ringing the doorbell. I've got one of those fancy devices that throw off a strobe light whenever that happens. But I HATE it! From the moment it flashes till I actually open the door, all I can think is, "Darnit! Who is it this time?!?!?" That's because of my many experiences with answering a door while alone.

I'll be watching TV or doing the dishes and suddenly: FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! I try to peek out of the living room window first, but I can't tell who it is. I open my door and there are two people dressed in suits with huge smiles on their faces as they begin to speak.

I interrupt and point to my ears and shake my head--indicating that I'm Deaf. They begin to over-enunciate and point to their lips. "I can't lipread either," I slur. They laugh uncomfortably and start to talk to each other. "Are you Jehovah Witnesses?" I ask.

"Yes," they answer with a great amount of excitement and start talking to me again.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not interested," I say as I close the door. Whew! That was exhausting.

Sometimes people will write to me after I indicate I can't hear:

"Can you read?" No. What does this note say?
"Is there someone else I can talk to?" Nope. All alone and there will never be another person home.
"Do you read Braille?" Only in the dark.
"I can come back." Sorry, but I'll still be Deaf and uninterested.

I get all sorts of things happening after the house is empty of kids. It can be truly tiring. Some people just don't get it and I'm always amazed at the pantomime and facial expressions they'll spew off.

But I can't live in a bubble. I have to interact with other people at some points in my life. I guess that's just the way things go, but....FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! Oh, dear. Gotta run. Gotta go see what this next person has to say, sell, or perform. Wish me luck!

The Great Outdoors

One of my husband, Kenny's, favorite things to do is hunt. He doesn't get to do it often, but when he does, he often takes our oldest daughter. But one year, I wanted to go.

"You'll have to be really quiet. We can't talk to each other a lot. You can't move around and rustle the leaves. It might be hard. Not to mention it's freezing out there at 4 am." Kenny was trying to prepare me, I knew. But I was sure it'd be a cinch.

"No problemo," I said. "I can be quiet. I'll just sign instead of using my voice." And, with that, he agreed to let me tag along.

The next morning, around 2:30 am, Kenny shook me awake. "What??? I'm trying to sleep," I said as I rolled back over.

"I thought you wanted to go with me."

"Now?" I couldn't believe how tired I was. But I dragged myself out of bed and put on the coat Kenny had gotten for me. I grabbed a cup from the cabinet and closed the door. Kenny startled and looked at me with big eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he sighed. He didn't need to tell me I closed the cabinet door too hard, but I wasn't aware of it at the moment.

After a little coffee and a seemingly endless car ride, we arrived in the part of the woods Kenny had picked out for us. He climbed up in his tree stand and I stayed in a pile of leaves on the ground. "OK. Now we wait," Kenny explained. "I'll talk with you a little later."

And so we waited. I sat on the wet ground and the leaves were itchy, so I scratched. I felt a tickle in the back of my throat, so I quietly cleared my throat. After what seemed like hours, I decided I wanted to ask Kenny how much longer. Problem was, he was up there and I was down here. So, I waved to quietly get his attention. It didn't work. I then used both hands. Nothing doing. I stood up and tried it again. Nope. Finally I gave up that "quiet" business and barked, "Hey!"

"Shhh!" Kenny was not happy.

"What do you mean? I've been quiet for hours."

"You think so, huh?" Kenny asked with a smirk on his face. Looking at his watch, he shook his head. "We've been here an hour and half. You've scared away two deer while you were rustling the leaves, clearing your throat and whispering. I love you, but it's impossible for you to know how noisy you are, and I can't hunt with you here with me. I'm sorry."

I was dumbfounded. Was I really that loud? I guess it goes to show that when you can't hear anything (including yourself), you can be the loudest thing in the woods. Oh, well. Bed, here I come!