Fake Interpreter Discovered At Nelson Mandela's Memorial

http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/11/world/africa/mandela-memorial-fake-intepreter/index.html

As some of you have surely heard the ruckus about the fake sign language interpreter who interpreted at Nelson Mandela's memorial, above is a link to read more about it. 

It's a shame that these kind of things happen. This is terribly offensive to the Deaf population and swift measures should be taken to have this man barred from interpreting again. Apparently he made up his own signs and the Deaf viewers caught onto that and were furious. I, for one, was! What happens next is anyone's guess, but I hope this man is held accountable for his offensive and just plain stupid actions!

Are People's Needs Being Met?

We’ve come a long way since the days of serious oppression vented toward the deaf and hard of hearing population. Things such as interpreters and phones are now readily accessible in most situations. Most. So, when I found myself a patient at a nearby mental health facility, I was quite surprised at the workers’ attitude toward me and my deafness.

I should first let you know that this specific admission was, by far, not my first time being there. Not only are accommodations the law, but these people knew me by name when I got to my unit. You’d think they’d already know about my needs. You’d think it anyway….

The first main problem I had was the fact that several of the nurses didn’t believe that I couldn’t lipread.  “All deaf people lipread. I think she’s faking for attention’s sake.” One nurse in particular took many people aside and said, “If you catch her lipreading, come tell me. I don’t believe she can’t.” Now, why would I fake something just to make my life more difficult than it already is?

After a few admissions, I think the staff finally “got it” that I need an interpreter, but in there lay another problem…cost.

Although they were usually good about calling for a ‘terp, the problem was when that ‘terp should leave. A ‘terp was scheduled from 9 till 12 and from 1 till 4 for groups, meeting with my doctor or case manager, etc. But they would often give me medicine to de-stress me and it made me unbelievably sleepy. However, when I would lay down to try to sleep it off for a half hour or so, they would send the interpreter home—saying that they didn’t want to have to pay for an interpreter if I wasn’t awake to use them.

But what about the doctor? They would send the ‘terp home and then, later, would say the doctor needs to talk with me or that group is happening and it was mandatory to go. What they didn’t understand was that ‘interpreters are paid on a two-hour basis. No matter when they actually left, the hospital would still have to pay for the full two hours at a time. So, sending them home didn’t save anyone money and it made me miss the doctor or nurse or any professional who needed to speak with me.

Another problem that was never rectified while I was in-patient, was the telephone. Technically, it would be best if they had a video phone hooked up for deaf patients to use. They said they “thought they had a TTY around here somewhere,” but, not only was it yet to be found, but no one I know has one anymore. They’re very outdated,  So I would need to have my interpreter call on a regular land line phone, tell me what the person on the other end said and then let me speak into the phone and answer them. No privacy whatsoever. It was just wrong.

While I was in there this last time, several of my interpreters commented to their agency regarding how mistreated I am as far as communication goes. When I was discharged from the hospital, I worked with the customer rights’ unit at the agency and was told that things would be different next time. Next time? I hope I don’t have a “next time,” but I guess, if I do, at least (hopefully) it will be able to meet all of my needs.

TMI, Here….T. M. I

Ever had the feeling that all eyes were on you? Just when you actually want discreetness, people’s glances seem to gravitate to you and you just want to crawl into a hole and disappear. This happens fairly often for those deaf and hard of hearing people who use sign language. I mean, they can’t go out in public and chat with their friends without getting a few fascinated eyes on them. It’s inevitable.

Having this happen when you’re having dinner or walking around the mall isn’t really that much of a nuisance. After all, one tends to get used to it. But what happened to me last week is not really the kind of thing you get used to. Now, how do I start describing what happened?…Let’s see…OK. It involved a doctor’s office, feminine itching, a doctor, an intern, a nurse, an interpreter, a husband, a speculum, oh, and lube.

I’d been having some trouble…down there…for a few days and wanted to make sure it wasn’t anything serious. The doctor’s office I go to has their own set of interpreters and I always seem to get the one ‘terp I dislike. I don’t know why I dislike her so much, but I do. And, as I’m sure you can agree, you don’t want people you dislike looking at your crotch.

When I arrived that morning, the intake nurse took my information and had me undress. The doctor then came in and we chatted about ponies and mistletoe, Stonehenge and, oh yeah, vaginal irritation. It wasn’t such an odd conversation, surprisingly, and I think that’s the one thing that baffled me.

Dr: How’s it going today?

Me: Well, to tell you the truth, I’m pretty darn uncomfortable.

Dr: Any discharge?

Me: Not that I know of.

Dr: I’m going to have to take a look.

Me: You mean I have to show it to you?

Dr: ‘Fraid so. But office policy states that I need to have a female nurse in here with me. OK?

Me: (long pause) Tell you what. I’ll show you my vagina if you promise to buy me dinner later.

Dr: Hey, that’s my line.

Awkward.

Ten minutes later, the doctor, the nurse, and another relatively tall man walked in.

Dr: I have an intern working with me today. Is it OK if he observes?

Me: Why not? The more the merrier.

Now, this was a very small room. Everyone was crammed in and, because of this, the interpreter had to stand to the side of the table instead of next to the doctor. This was actually helpful in the way that I didn’t need her looking at my privates. However, the way everyone was positioned, I was looking at the ‘terp upside down.

This made everything a little difficult. I couldn’t understand much of what she was signing to me, but it was too uncomfortable to ask for many repeats. So, she would sign, I would nod and mumble, “OK,”(BAD ME!!) and the doctor would proceed.

Dr: I need to use the speculum so I can see better.

What I Caught: I NEED BETTER

Me: OK (Nodding and smiling—even though I hadn’t a clue)

Dr: Jamming a freezing piece of metal into an orifice that just wasn’t ready for that.

Me: Ahhhhhhhh!

Everyone In The Room: (Gasping) Are you OK?!?!?

Me: Oh, I’m dandy. Maybe when you’re finished, I could introduce you all to my parents and we could reminisce about this moment.

Sometimes no one gets my humor.

Luckily, the exam didn't go on too long and the problem I'd been having wasn't anything serious. They were all up and out pretty quickly. Sadly, the only person who wanted to shake my hand as they left was the one that had been digging for treasure a moment ago. 

But there you have it. Too much information? Maybe, but a learning moment? No doubt. Here's the gist of it...

Don’t say, “OK,” when you’re absolutely clueless and when laying down with your feet in stirrups and an audience looking at a part of you that wasn’t meant to be on display. And, above all, if you must go to the doctor and he must look at your Vertical Smile, don’t forget to bring some champagne and flowers to set the mood.

OOPS! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

Oh, to learn a new language! If you’re one of the millions of people who have decided to learn a foreign language, perhaps you’ll consider learning American Sign Language. As you may know, ASL is a totally foreign language from English and it takes just as much time and dedication to become fluent in ASL as any other foreign language, like, say, Japanese.

As people begin to learn a language, there are inevitable mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes can get you in a heap of trouble, too. Almost as much as bluffing, if you aren’t sure what’s been said or how to say what you want to say, guessing can cause chaos…not to mention a pretty bad reputation.

So, as you begin to study ASL, please be aware of some of the signs that can get mixed up in a shuffle. Here are a few of the signs I’ve seen confused with each other:

PILL & SOON

CONDOM & MONTH

ENGINEER & FLIRT

MAKE, MAKE OUT, & COFFEE

RED & THIRSTY

SCHOOL & PAPER

MORE & KISSING

DATE & DESSERT

MOVIE & CHEESE

FAKE & MOUSE

FAMILY & IMPORTANT

VAGINA & TRIANGLE

RECENTLY & SEX

WAIT & FIRE

TEA & VOTE

HAMBURGER & MARRIAGE

LATE & NOT YET

ALL & ARRIVE

SOMEONE & ALWAYS

PEOPLE & VISIT

CHOCOLATE & CHURCH

COMPLAIN & COUGH

IF & COURT

ROCK & WORK

INTEREST & ISLAND

PLAY, SHOW, & SCIENCE

COURT & DECIDE

It’s true that some of the above signs are frequently rearranged. Check them out and see if you are guilty of a mix-up to two.

SMALL TALK -- IS IT REALLY WORTH THE EFFORT?

It happened (again) just a couple of days ago. I’d had my fill of things to deal with and I just wanted to be left alone. Unfortunately, that wasn’t possible. I had to go to my daughter’s school and help out with the popcorn. I mean, hey, it was “Popcorn Friday,” and they needed me. I only had to be there until all the popcorn sacks were filled and ready to be delivered to the various classes. So, I arrived and I knew where to go. I checked in with the secretary, Karen – she knows me. She waved, I waved, we parted.

Then I get to the popcorn machine. I looked at the list of volunteers that day and it said, “Stacey M” and me, so I decided to wait for Stacey, because I’d never done that before and I had no idea how to even start the popcorn machine…much less actually make the popcorn.

I hadn’t been at the machine more than three minutes before the PTO chairperson approached and told me…something. I ask how to work it and she mumbled with a few things. I explained I’m deaf; she mumbled even more. Not to mention that, while she gabbed, she’s also repositioned things and got things ready (I’m assuming). Then she looked up, smiled, and patted me on the back as she walked away.

What should I have done? I knew even less after she left than I did before she showed up in the first place. I played with a few doohickeys to see if any of them would create power and allow the machine to become THE POPCORN MASTER. Yeah, yeah, it’s supposed to be “MAKER,” but I like “MASTER” better. It makes me feel tall. Don’t ask.

The fact of the matter is I’d been standing there for a half hour with no idea what to do. Then, behold, Stacey M. showed up. She was babbling and smiling and, I’m guess apologizing for being late. She flips the switch and the MASTER comes to life. Hallelujah!

But as we stood there, filling up bags, Stacey starts to make small talk. Oy vey! Small talk is not my forte. I mean, I can’t hear a thing. They only reason I knew she was talking was because he lips were flapping and she kept giggling at something only she thought funny.

That’s one thing in my life I wish I had – the ability to make small talk with hearing people. If I can even get someone to talk/write for me. It happens very seldomly though.  Actually, it never happens. If someone doesn’t know I’m deaf and starts talking and I let them know, they usually walk away (in my opinion, because they felt uncomfortable or embarrassed by our different languages).

So, if you become deaf today, and you have no residual hearing, no lipreading abilities, etc., what do you do? Announce to the world you’re deaf and not to talk with you? OK. What happens if they do that…if they smile and nod and ignore you. Is that better? Or do you feel oppressed because they don’t want to try? It’s a catch 22 and I hate it!

To engage in conversation or not to engage in conversation (or attempt to engage in conversation). That is the question. (Was that really a question? Sounds like a fragmental statement to me). Truth is, with me, it depends on the circumstance. There have been many times where I simply shook my head and pointed to my ear to let others know I’m deaf. That usually sends them running and then there’s no need to put forth that effort. But there are many times where I will be bored or I’ll see someone I vaguely know and I’ll wish we could converse. Like I said, a catch 22. 

What I do is I evaluate the situation. Where am I, with whom am I, why am I there with whomever (that’s a very strange word…whom), how long will I be there, stuff like that.

I think hearing people underestimate the power of small talk in this world. It’s a part of daily life for most people. But what about those who can only make small talk with a few people? Can I not go to the grocery store, stand in line, and make a sarcastic, yet, utterly witty comment? Most days I don’t want to anyway (I’ve never been good in face to face situations), but there are many days when I want to make fun of someone or show the person behind me the new tap dance move I’ve invented. Or perhaps even do the moonwalk down aisle 13 with the woman in the yellow shirt. But I don’t.

Small talk can be very tricky. Very irritating. And very liberating. I hate things like that.

The Nod of Bluffing

If you're Deaf, like I am, you've experienced it. Maybe you've been trying to talt with a hearing person and they can't understand your voice. Maybe you're trying to sign with a new ASL student and they can't keep up with your signing. There's a million reasons a hearing person would use the "Nod of Comprehension" to deaf people.

But deaf people aren't immune to this either. Say you're trying to have a conversation with a sign language student and you can't understand their signs, but you don't want to hurt their feelings. Or maybe they're talking to you and you've told them numerous times that you can't lipread, so you finally just give up and start acting like you understand everything. This, by the way, can get a person in a LOT of trouble!

I remember several years ago, when I, too, was guilty of bluffing, that I decided not to smile and nod. I thought, "I think I understand what he's saying." So, after watching him closely (and, by the way, I am NOT a lipreader), I replied, "Well, it would save us on braces." I thought this person was talking about my son's teeth being knocked out. I made a joke. Problem was, the joke was on me. He turned and looked at me, completely baffled. "I just said that I think Jacob is an alcoholic." He'd been joking, too, but, with my reply to his joke, it made us laugh so hard we couldn't see straight.

Case in point? Don't bluff. If you're hearing and you can't understand the deaf person, ask for a slower repeat or find pen and paper. If you're deaf and you can't understand the hearing person, do the same.

So now I ask you, tell me about a time when you bluffed and were called on it!