Judgement is Common...Admit it!

You shouldn't judge people. It's a fact. Judging always ends in no good. But you do, don't you? Come on--admit it! There's gotta be at least one time, one type of person, or one situation where you have judged.

I've talked about "stigma" in earlier posts, but this is different than judging. With stigma, you dislike or avoid people for what they are or whatever condition they are "afflicted" with (mental illness, physical illness, whatever). With "judging" it's based on a behavior or belief of another person.

OK. With that being said......I'm guilty!!!! I admit to guiltiness (that isn't a real word, I don't think). What or whom do I judge, you ask? I have the tendency to judge my kids' school friends (or any friends, for that matter) who don't at least try to communicate with me.

I know deafness can cause nervousness, scary feelings, intimidation, etc., but I'm nice. I'm not scary. I try to chat with them, but they usually end up running for the hills when I do. Many times, the friends will ask someone from my family how to sign this or that. That's effort. I appreciate it. But it's unusual. Most are horrified. It's like that for most hearing people, but I've gotten used to it with strangers. Friends are different. 

Isn't that terrible of me? And when people judge me, I feel more and more isolated. However,  that comes with the broken ears. But, I mean they teach gorillas sign language. That's a start, I guess. Next, I think they should teach them the dance to "Thriller." But I digress.....

I don't know what that word means, but it seemed like a good ending to this blog. 

Have you experienced judgement? Were you the judgie or the judger? Tell me about it; let me know I'm not alone in this. CONFESS!

GUEST COLUMNIST: My Daughter Mollie

SOMETHING DOESN'T QUITE ADD UP.

So, I've been enjoying a nice vacation down in St. Louis, Missouri. We get to come down here about once a year from our humble abode in west Michigan.Its a nice time to see all the grand parents and other crazy family members that we never see otherwise. So, this morning the family and me went to a nice diner to have breakfast with my dad's parents before setting out for north again. (I'm typing this journal on my dad's phone because I was bored... and eager to share this story with you all.)

Anyways! We were seated and served juice and coffee and everything was great, the woman serving us was very amazing. I took to liking her instantly, she was very energetic and friendly and just one of those people who could make you feel like it would be a great day. 

Well, my mom, dad, and me were signing back and forth; discussing the menu and the long car trip awaiting us later in the morning. We could already see heads turning at the sight of our strange language spoken with wordless gestures and our waitress was to be included in the crowd.

She came over, serving up our drinks and giving us our menus for the meal, and after many times of saying ''You're welcome.'' To us several times, she finally asked a question we were used to hearing; '' What is the sign for...'' in this case it was for ''you're welcome''. Smiling at this polite gesture we kindly showed her and nodded with a smile when she repeated it back to us with ease.

''I used to know sign language,'' she spoke, waiting patently for my father to interpret. ''I forgot because I haven't practiced in so long.''

We all nodded in understanding.

She went on, obviously feeling that this needed more explanation. 

What she said next made us all very confused.

''I knew sign language because my niece was blind.''

I stopped breathing for a second, my brain so confused and shocked that I couldn't do anything. I could see my father pause in his signing, also confused, although he recovered much faster.

The most we could do was nod in some kind of understanding and struggle to hold our chuckles in until she was out of earshot.

A blind niece in need of a visual language? Almost as bad as going to the library and being handed a Braille book after being announced deaf (yes, that has happened.)

So while we try to work through this brainwracker, please try to make sure you don't have a blind niece trying to learn sign language, it'll be very difficult and quite useless.

I Tried And I Can’t—Now Just Go Away!….Please!

I’m writing this blog as a sort of lesson to myself. See, I have a hearing husband and he is totally wonderful. He’s always trying to please me. So, in return, he ends up interpreting for me a LOT. Just in the last 5 years I’ve become pretty isolated, so he has to do all the errands and conversations and phone calls. I know it’s not OK. I know I’m taking advantage of him. But it’s not like I don’t pay in back in other ways (wink wink).

In order to free him from interpreting in times when no interpreter is expected, I thought that I would try to learn to lip read. Have you ever tried to learn to lipread? I’ve been told it can be done, but not likely for someone with absolutely no residual hearing and not a lot of practice.

Before I decided to sign up for the local community class that teaches lipreading mainly to the elderly, I decided to see if I could do it on my own. I’ve since found I can’t.

That doesn’t stop people from trying to talk to me though. Not that I don’t appreciate it, but if a person is Deaf and can’t lipread, screaming in their ear or showing us your cavities when you over-enunciate at us isn’t going to help much. Plus, it’s terribly, terribly annoying.

Now, if you’ve read my other blog posts, you might remember that I have very little capability to remember things. This can be a great thing and a not so great thing.

Standing in the hallway of a hospital, waiting to be told what to do, an elderly woman approaches me. “You deaf?????” She yelled loud enough that the veins in her face almost popped. I nodded yes and hoped she’d just go away. “I know how to do my abcs!” Oy vey, that’s the one sentence most deaf people do not want to work with. I mean, I appreciate people learning to fingerspell (or just recite the alphabet as in this case), but, God be with me, I can only have it happen so many times in a short duration before internal combustion blows me out of the way.

When this woman was done, she turned to go. I, stood silently, hoping she’d be gone soon. Oh, but that didn’t happen. No. No. I was never that lucky. So, the woman turns around and starts singing and grotesquely signing the song, “Jesus Loves Me,” Into the side of my face. Oh, gosh! Someone rescue me!!! It was over, but none too soon. Thankfully, a nurse came by and escorted this old woman away from me. And that’s all I wanted. Just for her to go away. Why can’t they all just go away??

So, lipreading is out for me. I’m OK with that. I’ve got many Deaf, HOH, and interpreter friends to chat with. I’ll keep that. That’ll satisfy me plenty.

How To Know If Your ASL Teacher Is Qualified

When a person decides that they want to learn a new skill or language, very often tutoring or a community class comes to mind—Classes of short duration where you can get a lot of information in a short amount of time. In general, people don’t want to take the time to enroll in a college program and very rarely does teaching yourself give you the skills that only another person can. Though it does happen.

In fact, finding someone willing to help you might actually seem easy. Craigslist, Facebook, Google, Twitter, and other social medias can put you in touch with people advertising their availability. And that might seem great. But how much do you know about them> you may even meet with then in person (be careful) and they may seem capable, but based on what? If you know nothing about the skill, wouldn’t most anyone seem knowledgeable? There are things you could look for and if the skill you’re wanting to learn is ASL, there are definitely things you’re going to want to ask and observe of this possible future teacher. Here’s a basic list to get you started.

BASIC THINGS YOU SHOULD ASK BEFORE DECIDING TO LEARN AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE FFROM SOMEONE:

1. Are you deaf/HOH or is anyone in your family deaf?  It’s not a requirement, but if the teacher/tutor is deaf or HOH or if they’re a CODA (Child of Deaf Parents) or grew up in the Deaf Community, chances are good that they have a good basic knowledge (at least) of ASL.

2. How did you learn ASL?  Again, ask them how they learned. Where and who taught them, etc. The longer they’ve known it, the more they’ve used it, the better experienced they will be.

3. Do you teach ASL, CSL, or SE?  All three of these are different. First off, SE (Signed English) is a definite NO. It’s not based on the Deaf Culture and it’s one you should avoid. CSL is Contact Sign Language, which used to be called PSE or Pidgin Sign English. Contact sign is good for a start. You can get the basic and even intermediate vocabulary learned and then start to slowly slide over into ASL.

4. Are you willing to teach straight ASL when we think I’m ready or do your skills not allow that?  If they’re going to use CSL, just make sure that, when the time hits to learn strong and serious ASL, the teacher has the ability to do that or refer you to someone who can.

5. How long have you been teaching ASL?  Again, the longer the teaching, the more experience (at least that’s how it should be).

6. Do you have references?  Get as many as possible and contact them all! Find out if this is the teacher for you!

7. Are you involved in the Deaf community?  You want to make sure that this person actually socializes with the deaf and HOH who use this language.

8. If you didn’t learn ASL before the age of 3 or earlier, where did you learn and for how long?  Pretty self-explanatory

9. Are you able to keep me informed about upcoming deaf community events so I can socialize with other deaf and HOH people?  As you start to learn, you’re going to want to start meeting and chatting with deaf and HOH people who sign. Make sure this teacher knows about such events.

10. Which curriculum do you use?   Find out and then research it. Even ask them to show it to you and let you flip around in the book. Curriculum is important. If they say they’ve self-designed one, make sure to see it!

These are just a few questions to get you started. I’m sure you can think of others. You should observe if they talk when they sign. Just to make sure they can sign, but also, sometimes talking relieves the need to worry about you not understanding. This isn’t necessary though as there’s always a pencil and paper.

So those questions should get you started. If you can think of more, please leave them as a comment. Always remember, any old goat can say they’re qualified, but don’t just jump on the bandwagon and start throwing money at them until you’re sure in your own mind that they truly are qualified.

Good luck with your search and be careful!

Learn American Sign Language Later This Summer in SW Grand Rapids

You know you want it! What can you do to learn the amazing language of ASL? Deaf Expressions is here to rectify the situation and answer that question!

Our Summer Conversational ASL Class:

Thursday nights, July 18 till September 5, 6:30 pm till 8:30 pm
$130/person and that INCLUDES the workbook

You MUST register. Contact us and we'll show you how!

DeafExpressions05@gmail.com (Michele's email) or text Michele at (616) 516-6314

If those days and times don't work with you, you can do private tutoring ($20/hour) or get four other people and start your own class (price would be the same as the Summer class).

Hope to "hear" from you soon!

VISIT www.DeafExpressions.net

Needs Are Not Only Important--They're legally Expected

One thing some people don’t realize when they’re out—and even if they run into a deaf person while they’re out and about—how difficult some aspects can become if no one’s prepared. They don’t see that we need help in one way or another—ASL interpreter, oral interpreter, hearing dog (which we would supply), etc.

They don’t realize that, if they (meaning a business or office or doctor’s appointment), need to communicate with a deafie, they need not only to schedule one (*whichever the deaf person requests), but it must be at least 24 hours in advance of the meeting or appt. to give the agency enough time to find an interpreter for the appointment.

That doesn’t always happen with me (at least). Perhaps I’m just lucky. They say God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I must be one big shot in the bag. Why do I say that? I cannot even begin to tell you how often Kenny takes me a long-been scheduled appt and we find no ‘terp being expected.

So, what does one do in these situations? Sure, depending on the time of day, once could call an emergency interpreter and wait around for an hour or more—only then needing to find an opening for that doctor.

The several times this has happened to me, it’s always the same thing on my end.

1. Ask them what time the interpreter is scheduled for. (Often the answer is never).
2. Literally and loudly communicate my total disappointment the place is to be seeing me.
3. Then reschedule leaving it clear this is no to happen again.
4. Go home ticked off and wait for yet another call regarding arranging a ‘terp. (I’ll believe it when I see it.)

There is one more option, but it is NOT recommended—to ask the hearing friend/family you’re there with if they’d stand in and interpret.

Let me straight with you—that is technically illegal because it is not their full language, they don’t have the schooling needed to do this, the appt is supposed to be confidential, and they don’t have a certificate. So, Kenny has been asked/forced to interpret for me at several therapy and psychiatric and medical meeting and lotsg of other places (dentists, discussions, etc). And Kenny does it, but he’s pretty ticked-off. He wants money for his efforts—with or without his certificate. And I totally agree.

My point? Respect deaf people’s needs for accommodations. Be sure to follow through with setting them up to fill their needs. After all, being deaf and surrounded by hearing people doesn’t make for a comfortable situation.

Just my opinion.

Anyone agree?

Please comment!

CHANGES-- THEY ARE A-COMING

Have you ever had a circumstance growing up where you try to do your best at something and learn all you can about the specific details and such? Then you set it aside and forget about it for a while. Eight months later, you drag it out of your closet while spring-cleaning, and it rekindles your enthusiasm for the activity. However, after taking it out in the world and trying to start where you left out, you find that most of the rules and nuances of what you’re trying to do are no longer the way you learned it. It’s frustrating!

But it’s not all that uncommon. And for students learning American Sign Language to be able to interpret for a career have this occur often. You just have to learn to expect it.

Some of the things that have been changing are the name for countries. Whereas before, there was a sign used in ASL that went for a specific country, for example, GERMANY. It was done with putting the side of each five hand, one on top of the other, while you wiggled your fingers. That’s been used forever. But now it’s starting to change.

What’s happening is that, just as each country has their own Sign Language, each country has a sign done in their sign language to mean where they live.  To illustrate, GERMANY isn’t signed that way nowadays. The “new” sign, which is the sign taken from Germany themselves, is the right index finger pointed up into the air and set on the top of your head.

But this can get tricky, since the sign for HORNY is pretty close to the new GERMANY. The people having the conversation have to know what each other is referring to or you might end up in trouble with your partner.

Other countries have done this, too. AUSTRALIA, ITALY, KOREA, JAPAN, CHINA, and many more places. And it doesn’t just go for locations. Languages evolve and, ASL being a full language has changes, too.

American Sign Language also adapts within our country. I was raised to learn ASL in Illinois. When I moved to Michigan, signs that I use for METAL are used here for TRASH. Our sign for EARLY is different than what most of the country uses. Same thing with OUTSIDE or ELECTRICITY. But it’s OK. If it’s your language or your second language, it is best that you learn all variations and be prepared like the Boy Scouts you meet along the way.

So be careful out there and have an open mind. The best interpreters out there are those who learn as many of the signs for the same time that they can. That way, they’re fully ready to adapt to the Deaf person’s accent.

As you learn to use sign language content and signs, you will find that picking up the new and not-so-new variations becomes easier and easier. Best of Luck!!

FIVE OF THE BEST WAYS TO LEARN AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE

Let’s face it. Learning a foreign language isn’t exactly easy to do. To successfully become fluent in, say, German, one must not only learn the vocabulary, but study the grammar, the culture, and the history of the language as well. The same thing goes for American Sign Language (ASL), the language used by many, many deaf people and others—including the Deaf Culture, CODAs (Children of Deaf Adults), teachers, interpreters, and more. If you’re reading this, thinking, “Duh,” then you may be surprised just how many would-be signers/students don’t know this.

I remember a time my husband, Kenny, introduced me to a person who was looking to become a certified sign language interpreter. After Kenny introduced me to him, the student started waving his hands in the air and occasionally slapping himself in the face or grabbing his groin like Michael Jackson. Whether he screeched when he did this is anyone’s guess. I didn’t ask and Kenny didn’t tell. Thank you, God. But Kenny did help the disturbed guy translate what the perverse movements meant: “I don’t really need a lot of help. As you can see, I’m pretty good at it already. Whoo-hoo (there went the groin again)!” My last reaction was to laugh so hard I spit in his face. Once I calmed down a bit, I was able to ask him a few questions to help me know where he was in his studies.

I started signing and talking at the same time (using Contact Sign) so he could understand me:

ME: So, uh…where have you studied in the past?

HIM: Actually, I haven’t really needed to do anything formal. As you can see, I pick things up fairly fast and easily (smacking himself on the cheek and blinking his eyes as if he were about to have a seizure).

ME: Oh…kay. Hmm. Do you know any Deaf people whom you can practice with?

HIM: Not really. I’ve seen a few in the grocery store and I think there’s one at my church. I honestly haven’t talked to any except you. I want to be fluent before I have to go face-to-face with one.

ME: Why’s that?

HIM: Well, they’re kinda scary. I mean, not you, but the others I’ve seen. They don’t even talk. I mean, who doesn’t talk? Isn’t that like a requirement when you’re out in public?

I stopped the questions about that time. I didn’t really want to ask him anything else. I was already convinced he needed a lot more than ASL classes. Perhaps some antipsychotic medication and an imaginary dragon to play with would help.

So, I didn’t get very far with that guy. Even inviting him to one of my Sign Language classes was met with an interesting retort “You mean sit around with people who don’t know anything about deaf people? Wouldn’t that just be a waste of my time?” No reply from me was necessary.

Now, experiences like this one are not as rare as you might think. In fact, I would say that at least 1/3 of the people in the world who want to learn ASL think it’s nothing more than pantomime and funny faces. I must object and make it clear that learning ASL is not any easier than any other foreign language out there. And if you want to interpret, you must be fluent and certified with the state (or nationally certified if you are wiling to go the extra mile). I decided to let all of you know five of the best ways to learn this language—ASL or Contact Sign—and I hope you’ll take to my suggestions willingly.

5. Study ASL users online. The first thing you should do when you are thinking of learning this beautiful and challenging language is to do some online searching. Go to www.Google.com or www.YouTube.com and type into the search line: American Sign Language. You will find more people using ASL than ever imagined. Be careful though. Some might say ASL, but actually be using Signed English—something you don’t want to confuse it with.

You can also find several sites to help you learn vocabulary:

            http://www.aslpro.com/cgi-bin/aslpro/aslpro.cgi

            http://www.signingsavvy.com/

            http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm

Or practice your receptive fingerspelling (a must-learn part of the language):

            http://asl.ms/

4. Take a community sign language class. If you ask around, looking for an area sign language class, there will usually be something that can help. Just be sure to ask the person in charge if they are indeed teaching ASL or just Sign Language or Signed English. There’s nothing wrong with started out with Contact Sign as long as you know what you’re doing. CSL  is basically ASL vocabulary in English word order. Many students start out with CSL, learning conceptually correct ASL vocabulary, but start learning the grammar and sentence structure later.

3. Enroll in a college interpreter’s program. This step is definitely the way to go if you’re serious about wanting to become a certified interpreter (and if you want to make money as an interpreter, you’ll need to be certified). Just be sure to study the programs goals and attitudes about both ASL and Deaf Culture. Not all interpreters program are as helpful as you might think. Just because it’s there doesn’t mean it’s what you’re looking for. And please be sure that the classes are taught by Deaf teachers with experience (your best bet) or Certified ASL interpreters. Also keep in mind that a deaf teacher doesn’t guarantee fluency in ASL. There are millions of deafies out there who became deaf as an adult and really don’t know anything about the things you need to learn.

2. Find a mentor. Ahhh…If only every student could do this! You’ll have to put in some effort to find the right person for you, but it’ll be worth your time. You’ll want to call around to local interpreting agencies, ASL programs and the deaf community to find someone. Make sure they are skilled and are OK with you hanging out with them and observing their work or watching them chat with a skilled signer.

1. Get out there and socialize with the deaf community. I chose to list this one as the #1 way to learn ASL. Surprised? I’m not kidding you. You might be surprised at how many would-be students are terrified to actually hang out with deaf people! They’re too darn intimidated and they want to wait till they’re already good at it. Could it be that people like me go around with “I’ll kill you if you even try” sort of looks at all times? Even if that’s so, you have to force yourself. I mean, come on! If you want to learn ASL—to be an interpreter or for other reasons—wouldn’t you think that you have to get to know the community, too? Like it or not, getting out there is by far the most important step to being a part of the community. Period.

There you have it. Perhaps I’ve listed 1 or 2 that you never considered. I can understand that. Of course, if you have put yourself out in the community, you already completed the #1 rule. So good for you! Keep it up!

Everyone else out there whom are too scared to take a step or two: Just know that there are deaf people out there who know where you live. And if you don’t get your butt in gear and get out there and meet us in person, we’ll have to kill you.

Me intimidating? Never.

DISABLED OR DIFFERENT?

One of the strangest things I've noticed with people is the various interpretations of words as they use them. For example, take the word “rich.” Some people see that word and think of Donald Trump. Other people get raises or bonuses at work and think of themselves as rich. Still others, me included, find a $5 bill in their pocket and are on Cloud 9 for a week.

Another word that has a host of definitions is the word “disabled.” Even looking it up on various sites online, I found three definitions. But for the most part they read: “Physically or mentally impaired in a way that substantially limits activity, especially in relation to employment or education.” So, whom does that include? People in wheelchairs? Blind people? People with severe mental illness” Cancer? Diabetes? What about deaf people?

The Deaf community is a large and diverse group of people. In fact, some might think it odd, but it doesn't just include Deaf people. Hearing people from various backgrounds and careers can be part of the group, too. But let me just talk about the deafies for now. Are deaf people as a whole, “disabled”? Believe it or not, that is a question with a ton of different answers. Here’s what two separate groups might say….

Many people who lose their hearing as an adult do find adjustment extremely rough. Some never adjust. These people (late-deafened adults or adventitiously deaf) often consider themselves disabled due to being unable to willingly make the changes needed in their life. Communication can be horrible if they cannot lipread (I can’t) or never learn to sign. Many that had jobs, find themselves unable to continue on doing some things they were able to do in the past. And if that’s the way they've gone about living as a deaf person, they’re sure to think themselves disabled and, hopefully, seek help.

But tell a Culturally Deaf person they’re disabled and be prepared for a solid argument. Most believe Deaf people are not disabled—not impaired—they’re simply a minority group of people who live differently and communicate differently than their hearing acquaintances.

They can use the phone (video phones allow deaf people to do so with relative ease). They can express themselves fully using American Sign Language. They can work at most places with a little accommodation being given. They can go to school, get degrees, just like anyone else, if they’re given an interpreter. And so on and so on.

I personally fall into the middle physically between these two groups. I was born partially deaf, but my family raised me in the Hearing world since I could still hear some. I learned to speak, but often struggled to understand what was being said if the other person was not talking on my left side. However, I later lost the rest of my hearing. They describe hearing loss past 90 dB “profound,” but I’m not profoundly deaf, I’m totally deaf. There’s just nothing there.

When I became fully deaf, I started studying and learning ASL with a vengeance. I got many accommodations around the house I lived in (doorbell signaler, video phone, door knockers, vibrating alarm clock, etc). I also did a lot of research and finally went on to become a Sign Language teacher.

If someone were to ask me if I was disabled, I would have to say yes. WAIT!! Hear me out! (No pun intended.) I would say yes, but not because of my lack of hearing. I actually suffer from several severe mental illnesses that “substantially limit” my activity. So, that’s why I struggle. If I were not mentally ill, would I say I was disabled just by being deaf? Not at all. I’m not disabled by my deafness—I’m simply different.

Now, who can argue with that?

AH! TECHNOLOGY!

Forever gone are the days of phone booths and having to actually go and see the person you want to contact, because there’s no way for you to reach them. Here instead are such things as cell phones, video relay centers, and vibrating alarms. And, to make things even more bewildering. As fast as you can learn how to use these things, there will be updates and even newer technology to deal with.

Don’t get me wrong—I love technology. I mean, having a way to contact people while I’m out and about is an unbelievable relief. As with most deaf people, there was a time when flat tires and car accidents left us stranded with no where to turn.

Although there’s tons of things to help the deaf and hard of hearing get through life now (doorbell signalers, door knock flashers, baby cry alerts, vibrating alarm clocks, flashing fire alarms and more), one thing seems to have changed the most for us: using the phone.

Years ago, TTYs and TDDs were the way to contact people directly. If the other person didn’t have a TTY or TDD, for example, if they were hearing, the deaf and hard of hearing would call the relay center to help with the contact. We’d type. Then the center would read what we typed to the other person. They’d respond and the center would then type to us what was being said. It was great for what it was, and some people and companies do still use them, but at times it could be terribly slow and quite impersonal.

Now, text cell phones do the trick, but there’s been one improvement many people rate as top notch—the ability to use Sign Language to communicate over the phone. I’m serious! How? Video Phones (VP), computers, and even some cell phones now offer that capability.

If two people have VPs, they can simply dial directly and have a nice “face to face” conversation with each other. This can also be done through computer instant messaging programs, other computer programs such as Skype, and even your cell phone.

But now, thanks to Video Relay Services (VRS), if only the deaf or hard of hearing have VPs and they need to reach someone who doesn’t, they can still use Sign Language and call on a home-based phone line.

It works in much the same way as TTY Relay Centers work. The deaf person dials the phone number for whomever he or she is calling and is immediately connected with some an interpreter at the VRS. The interpreter there then signs with the deaf person “face to face.” VRS connects the deaf to the target person, the deaf person signs or uses his voice (whichever he’s more comfortable with), the ‘terp tells the other person what was signed (if the deaf person isn’t using Voice Carry Over—VCO), the other person responds in their regular phone and the ‘terp signs to the deaf what was said. Confusing” Maybe at first, but once you’ve done it a few times it’s pretty much a godsend.

So, technology really has come a long way for deaf and hard of hearing people. I, for one, am excited to see what comes next!